uhh. i don't kno why. but rite now, i'm really fuckin annoyed. everything is pissin me off. and i want it all to just go the fuck away. specially my mom. she really doesn't need to kno what the fuck is going on in my friends life. it's not her fuckin life. they aren't her fuckin children. she might feel like it. but there is a difference. they can come to her if they need something. but she has no fuckin rite goin around and snooping in their fuckin business. god damn. it pisses the fuck outa me. i wish she would just shut the fuck up. and leave them the hell alone. it's their life. they can allow whoever they want in it. i'm lucky if they include me. but there's no fuckin way they would include her. so she just needs to fuck off. my god. ahhhhh. i'm just. blahhhh. i'm really just so, damn, i don't kno. i just need something to do. get some anger out. i hate staying at home. being with my mom. with my family. all that fuckin shit. lance still won't tell me what happened on sat. i wish he would. but i can understand if he needs time. but when will it be alrite? i hate how randomly suddenly amanda wants to talk to me. to hang out with me. shit like that. either be my friend all the time. or don't be at all. i mean, i love the girl. but i just wish she would be there more. i kno she wants to be. but i guess it's just too hard for her. justin called me yesterday, but i missed it. so i called him back, he said he'd call me back in 30 mins. never did. i called him later that nite. said he was watchin a movie. said he'd call me later. never did. fuckin ass. viv's back. happyness. love that girl. she's great. we're so much alike. we see a movie or hear about it, that we've seen before. and we download songs from it if we like it. it's greatness. i'm done for now. might be back later. who knos. just don't feel that good. arg. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ i'm so fuckin sorry i can't be fuckin perfect. i'm sorry i can't be skinny. pretty. everything i'm not. but ya kno what? i don't give a fuck. i like who i am. i don't give a shit what the fuck you think of me. i like me. yeah, i do wish i was prettier, hell, what girl doesn't? yeah, wish i could be skinnier, but again, who doesn't? so can you learn to shut the fuck up? you never come out and say it. but i kno you mean it. you have your ways. you show it. you say it. and guess what? i fuckin hear it. if you wanna go and lie to me and say you don't mean that shit. that you don't say that shit. then you can say it. i won't believe it. and i won't hear it. i kno the truth. and i'm fuckin tired of it. plus, i'm tired of lies. from everybody. i hate fuckin bullshit. you got something to say, say it to my face. don't go around and lie to me. even if your tryin to make me feel better. i don't give a shit. i want it straight. and i want it truthful. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i had thought today was going to be good. there was a good part today. i really enjoyed it. even part of yesterday was good. but of course. with my luck. i only get one good part of each day. if i'm lucky. the day has already turned bad. i just hope it won't turn to worse. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i'm useless. i can't even fuckin help anybody anymore. they don't even fuckin watn my help. what the fuck? i was always there for everyone. and suddenly, i'm nothing. no one wants me around. no one needs me. well ya kno what? that's fuckin fine. why don't i just fuckin leave? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- i miss jason. i kno i shouldn't. he was an ass. he made me cry. but still. there was something about him. i never even realized i liked him till he was gone. but i think he had liked me. i think that was why he had left. was because we lived so far away. we couldn't be together. but i still think about him. i just wonder if he ever thinks about me.