things are pretty shitty rite now. i'm really worried about viv. apparenlty last nite, she had gone to a dance at her skool. well i guess earlier that day, one of her friends had seen her cuts, and they told their parents. then while she was at the dance, their parents told her mom. i don't kno what happened after that. last nite i had gone to my skool's football game. then she had called me, but i couldn't really hear her cuz it was loud and shit. but then she said i was busy so she hung up. i wish she wouldn't have. i could tell something was wrong. but i thought the game was almost over, so i thought i coulda talked to her after the game. well all nite i tried to call her, she never answered. i asked her bf to clal her, she still didn't answer. i tried to call justin, he hadn't heard from her. i even tried to call steven to see if he had heard from her, but apparenlty he had gone to work. i still haven't takled to her today. i'm about to go and call her again. cuz i'm really worried. last nite the game was better than last week i guess. peter was there this time. me n him hung out like the whole time. that was alot of fun. i miss that kid. and yeah i still like him. hehe but ehh he's just a friend i guess. that's kinda what i've finally realized about justin. he's just a friend. i think he'll be like lance. where no matter how much you may like them, they're always just only gonna be friends. i guess that's fine with me. but i guess now peter's like that too. ehh that's how all my guy friends are though. and it kinda sucks. but i guess in a way its good. cuz then i don't loose a friend if something goes bad, rite? but meh, then i'll probably never end up dating somebody then. blahh. eh, i think things are going back to how they used to be. although i can tell a difference in this year, i think it might still be like it. i mean, i still think about cutting. i'm gettin more depressed. i'm keepin things inside more. all that fun shit. and i keep feeling like i'm loosing everybod again. grr damn feelings. ok well i'm gonna go try to call viv.. cuz i'm really worried bout her.