Listening to: Hard Fi - Better do better
4.30pm
There's not much left to say anymore, because I complain about schoolwork, but finally school is pretty much a doss. Which is good for some things.
Things are a bit strange at the moment, I feel different.
No-one even understands how I don't feel like my own person anymore. It's just... I don't know.
I'm just being a bit weird/gay/random.
But I just sit at home and read my Bible, because I'm a cool kid. I keep reading the scary bits though. Like they're Ok, kind of... I just wish that it didn't make me fell so much of a failure. I want to be so much better than I am.
And there are these people who aren't Christian who everyone thinks of as really nice people, cute people. I want to be that kind of person. But then when it comes down to it I say things and do things that aren't that person, and I do them because I want to fit in with a different crowd. How does this even make sense? I try and please two opposites at once. And I always fail with both.
I want to be the girl that I was at primary school, not a care in the world. Ok, so I had quite a lot of cares really, but it was just simpler. Less paranoia. More to-your-face yelling. And I hate confrontation, so I hated that, but at least I know who hates me.
A lot of my friends are quite sarcastic, and that does things to my brain that just shouldn't happen.
Now I have to go & perfect my French accent for Bastille Day assembly. Aaaaaaaah.
good luck getting over the rough patch.
Take care.
I can relate. Do try to feel better..
Take care.