12.26pm I suppose it's high time I wrote something that means something. Just because it's high time doesn't mean it's going to happen, but I feel an abnormally long entry coming on so if that kind of thing bores you just go and look and the pretty pictures in my previous entry. I feel strange about the male population at the moment. I mean, there are a few guys I like and definitely wouldn't say no to if they temporarily lost their mind and asked me out. I suppose I'm one of those girls who always feels compelled to like someone so I am always going to have a minor backup plan (usually a hot boy that a lot of people like). I get jealous very easily, and I'm not denying that I still get jealous over the boys I like, because that's just what I do. I would prefer not to, and I suppose I always try and quell the overriding jealousy because in the end it just eats me up inside. However jealous I might get, I am not overly bothered. I know by the previous paragraphs in this entry it sounds like I am madly pining over boys for pretty much my whole life but that's not true, and I hope it never will be. It would just be such a waste of my time if it goes nowhere. So I am in this weird state of limbo where in fact I care a lot about individual boys but have a strange feeling of accpetance about not getting them. Let's leave boys be for now, and move on to far more important things: my friends. I wish I could help them more. When friends tell you things and you have no idea what the hell to say to make them feel better, it's just one of the most horrible feelings. And because I am the most insensitive person ever I always go off on "I know how you must be feeling" tangents which doesn't make them feel any better at all because you are just bringing their sadness down to a general level. I think perhaps my listening skills are greater than my comforting skills. I would love to excel at something really interesting, like downhill skiing or figure skating. As you can probably tell, I have been watching a lot of the winter olympics lately and I would just love to be up there. It's the women's downhill skiing today, and they are all so amazing. I probably wouldn't even go in for competitions like that because I would get so up myself about winning, it would just be nice to be able to glide down black runs without thinking that I'm going to die with every turn. Not much has actually been happening in my life recently. I have been doing things, going to see a film with friends, which is nice. But nothing really happens. I just go on in same old pattern and think to the future. The Alpha session last Sunday was 'How does God guide us' and it was really interesting because our leader was pointing out how much of our life is driven by the future and education at the moment. It's very true. My life revolves around school. Even at the weekends I go out with friends I see at school. We're all so caught up in the future we forget to live for now. Just give me what I want, and no-one gets hurt Mum and I are going to a gym this afternoon, and I am going with the specific intention of losing weight. It's not going to happen this afternoon, but I would so badly like to be thinner. I get to the point sometimes where my stomach/thighs sicken me. I hate being at that point, it makes the probability of me feeling good about myself decrease significantly and I like feeling good about myself. Like everyone else does I suppose. Enough now. [Seriously, anyone who read all of that excels at reading diary entries] ----- A new outing for the fanclub. Anyone feel like joining?