1.47pm I'm far too pouty for my own good. I hardly ever smile. Well, I smile a lot, but it's not my natural expression. My 'neutral' expression, the one that I walk around with all the time, is very pouty/moody. And it annoys me. But then if you walk around with a smile on your face people think you're crazy. Why is that anyway? I was meant to be sorting out my school things today but I'm at my grandparents house and I can't find my keys for my house, which means I can't go home, which means that I can't do anything today. So I'm really bored, which is why I'm writing yet another entry. I think maybe I'm writing far too many at the moment, but since when has that stopped me? I was doodling things this morning, during the ad breaks when I was watching Friends. To be honest, my overpowering emotion of the moment is: fear. Fear of never finding anyone who thinks I'm perfect and loves me for the weird girl that I am. Fear that I'll never have my happy ending. Fear that I won't have kids and be able to be a Mum. Fear that my life will just waste into nothing. How could I let that happen. Pretty easily actually. The scary thing about the things I want in life is that they aren't all down to me. Other people and what they want and whether they like me is all part of the problem. I guess at 14 you shouldn't really be worrying about these things. God gave me style and gave me grace I guess I should just be thankful for all the things that I do have. I mean, what about the people in New Orleans, at least I have a roof to sleep under, money to buy things, clothes to wear. Which reminds me, I have to make a donation to the Red Cross, which involves making my mother pay with her credit card and then giving her the cash (it's easier that way). I guess for an entry with no direction and no specific point this is a pretty long entry. I took quite a long time last night going all the way down my friends list and commenting on every diary. It's nice to read up on people that you maybe haven't taken the time to pay attention to recently. I think I might send out some long and thoughtful emails to some of my friends. I'm sure they're very lucky people. ----- I have a new diary for no reason. Enjoy. ----- I thought, since I've never actually put a picture of me on Sit Diary, that I'd show you a picture of some people: (EDIT: my photobucket was getting crowded, sorry. but more recent entries have photos in them.) Those of you who don't know me already can guess which one I am. And those who do know me can pretend they don't and have fun guessing and confusing people.