This song gets me every time. I hate the way I get choked up by songs, even when I love them. People always ask me why I listen to it if it makes me upset. Well, you know, I have no idea. Maybe in some strange, twisted part of my brain, I like being upset? I don't know why this feeling won't go away. Like, I used to think that I was getting better. I was getting happier. But now I know that it was in my imagination that I was fucked up, or whatever I thought I was. I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I guess I was going to try and explain how I am actually feeling. Kind of, slow. Like I'm running through treacle. I can't do maths anymore. That freaks me out. I can't process things quickly enough. I can't process what people are saying. I lose words, I can't think of them. I've got that numb feeling again. I should just give up on ever finding that elusive happy ending. It's not real. I dearly, truly want it to be, but it's not. And I can't change that. I had a really weird dream last night. I had pulled this guy, but he was going out with a friend. But in a way he was still with me. I can't work out why either. I mean, I have an inkling, but it would sound stupid if I wrote it down. Someone can work it out if they want. This wasn't what I was thinking of before, but maybe it's just that I always feel like I like guys that I can't have? Or don't like me? Miss me?