1.37pm My motivation for anything seems to have disappeared. I just don't want to do anything anymore, I don't want to have make the effort. I don't want to make the effort to go and buy my friends things for Christmas, even though I really want to have things to give them. I don't have the motivation to do NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writer's Month, with an aim to write 50, 000 words in November), I have already given up on that. I don't have motivation to do things that I need to do, like my GCSE English coursework, or my Electronics homework. I only have motivation to write in my online diary about how I no longer have any motivation. I really have sunk too low now. I need to get up and start living the life I want to. I can't even get up properly in the mornings. There was a good sermon in church this morning. We should all be more like Jesus. I knew that already, but I had never properly applied it to my life. We should get rid of gossip, bitterness, jealousy, scandal, misuse of sexuality. That sounds so hard, but small things can count in my life, and at the moment I can't even do those. I really want to lead my life in a better way, to know that I am trying to lead my life the way God wanted me to, and right now I am nowhere near that. I know that no human except Jesus can ever be total devoid of sin, it's human nature to sin, and we will always want to sin, but we are called to fight sin. So I am going to make the effort from now on. I know this is why I tend to surround myself with people who will say something to me when I sin, but I need to challenge myself and see if I can do it myself. Of course I won't reject help, but I need to rely on God, not on other people. Or we could go with what Emma and I decided in church this morning, that next week to be more like Jesus we are going to wear tea towels on our heads and false beards. Our minister liked that idea.