4.30pm I have been thinking today about what I have been previously like in my life. I know that as a Christian I should just let it go and live my life for the present and for the people around me now, but I suppose human nature looks back, human nature regrets and human nature feels guilty. I feel guilty for all those times that I have judged people before getting to know them, relying on the bad opinions and words of others before I even speak to a person. I feel guilty for all those times I have bitched about people behind their backs. I feel guilty for all the times I have upset someone and then pretended that it was by mistake to preserve my own reputation. I feel guilty for all those times that I have said something on purpose that I knew would hurt someone even if I pretended not to notice. No guilt in life, right? I find it so hard to understand and acknowledge the forgiveness that has been given to me and I think I just hang on to these things as one last reminder of my non-Christian life, the things that will bug me for the rest of my life. I can't go on though, I have to let go. I have to forgive everyone who has ever harmed me. I have to let all the grudges and demons that lurk in my head go. Just be free. That's such a lovely thought and yet I find it so hard to actually put into practice.