Some things are just too confusing to explain.
I think I might want to change the name of my diary. It just doesn't really mean anything to me anymore. But I don't want to lose all the entries and comments and everything.
I'm not sure
I can make it anymore
How can I possibly know what it'll be like when I grow up. A more relevant question really is, will I? I can dream about being sophisticated and rich with everyone falling in love with me, but I know it won't happen. I want to know what will, so I can change the path that I'm on if I truly hate it. But then, that's the whole point of the future isn't it? You never quite know what's going to happen. Maybe that's the excitement of it?
And in a roundabout way, the future brings me back to the past. There are some things I would like to change, but I'm too bothered about them. And then there are those things I lie awake at night pretending I can go back and change them. I have made so many mistakes in life, I wonder how I have achieved what I have. I have wonderful friends, but only because I was a shit friend to my old friends. How does that work? It's not exactly karma is it? Sometimes I wish I had got paid back for it, then maybe I would feel more okay about it.
If I contemplate this much more, I have a feeling I might just drop dead.
............................[dead]
my thoughts exactly (for me not you)
sometimes i think that if we all got exactly what we deserved it'd be easier to move on and cope.
i never got punished for my past so i punish myself and end up not knowing when to stop, or even how to..
Its weird the way we both found each other because of losing other people. Makes me glad i split up with those
and yeah, the boots, i'll keep those boots now (if i stil have them actually) to remind me of how we became friends lol. life is made up of tiny coincidences. it goes way back, if i hadnt of self harmed i would still be friends with fia and shelly (or i would have been for longer anyway and by then you wouldve made
everything we do is because of one small choice/coincidence that may have happened years ago, or even before we were born.
If i had've been born a few months later we would never have moved to brentwood and i would never have gone to this school. If my mother hadnt have been ill one night she would never have met my dad, if they had had a conversation a few days earlier i would never have been born
i know, i get really wrapped up in coincidences.. all the ifs and should haves. blah.
*coughs*
and im glad i did save you because it'd be a terrible shame for someone as lovely as you to be morphed into one of them. Im so glad you're my friend. i think we have kept each other sane, without my friends i doubt id be here =/
"then my mind went dark" just listening to music and that just played and it fits my mood exactly. hm.