10.17am I am just about to make my way to church but thought that I wanted to write a little so I came here. I went Christmas shopping yesterday and bought some presents which are really nice, and then one present that I shall swap. I don't know why I bought it, I think it was a panic buy, and I'm not sure why I am panicking on the 4th of December. Also while we were in town I met up with Susie, and she was there with this guy called Sam that she has just a little bit of a thing for. She's liked him for a while now. He seems really nice, even if he was a bit scared when I showed him the Christmas presents I had bought for people (they were all knickers). I was going to sleep over at her house but it turned out I couldn't, and although I really wanted to stay over it was probably for the best because I needed a really good night's sleep and now I feel rather refreshed. Also in town I went to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with my friend. The thing about Harry Potter is it was so much better when it was the little twee wizarding school, and now it has started to get sinister and I don't like it quite so much as I used to. It was a good film though, and nice to have lunch and stuff with Fran. ----- It was a good sermon today. It made me think a lot more about some things that have been in my head recently. In fact, most weeks the sermon is really good now. It's nice to have a new minister that I really feel I know, and I know that he cares about what's going on in my life and when he asks how I am he really remembers what I say and prays for me week by week. That is such a comforting thought. There's a girl at our church who has been really quite ill for about three weeks now and she seems to be getting better, and she says she will go back to school tomorrow. I feel horribly sorry for her, she has missed all her mock exams and will probably have to do them over the Christmas holidays, but I just thank God that she is getting better and feeling stronger. I don't know why I feel like I should write down some of the things that are in my mind. Some things I just banish and never mention here, which is strange because essentially this diary is meant for me, for me to talk to myself and try and work out why I feel things or what I am feeling. I write this diary for other people, and I don't really think it's a good thing, but it does work most of the time. I know that not a lot of people really read this to listen to what I'm saying. There are people who do, but some just read because I have commented on their diary, or I have added them to my friends list. I suppose that people reading it for a bad reason is better than people not reading it at all. There is no Youth Alpha tonight because of the evening communion service, which is a shame because I could do with what I like to call my 'spiritual refilling'. I love Alpha and everything it's taught me, but I have to admit that it does essentially provide me with a great strength and vigour to lead my life in a better way. I suppose that really I need to find a way to get that kind of feeling by myself, from reading the Bible or from praying, but for now I feel like a very new Christian, not really sure of a lot of things, and I just want to stay faithful and strong so I am going to do that any way I can.