everyone in the world is either hurting or a stupid bloody ritch person who isnt truley happy with them selfs so they convince themselves money makes them happy and they end up fucking billionaires in some mansion or castle. and the few people who dont fit in either of those are ditsy or have actually managed to be content and happy with there lives, and the later i have respect for and wish they would share there secret with the rest of the world, right now i am pretty good to tell you all the truth, i just talked to a friend of mine and he started calling me his old name for me (gorgeous)im happy, he stoped about 2 months ago and he just didnt feel right doing it cause of lawrence, the whole time i thought he was ticked off at me, but he just didnt want to piss lawrence off. and i have been thinking, moms hella pissed off at me right now but even so im still pretty relaxed cause lawrence and james love me, lawrence loves me as more then a friend and james loves me as his best friend the only girl who has yet to hurt him and as a confidant, and i love them both - i know this is kindof out of my usual norm but i feel really good and mellow right now and in truth i am about to pass out, i had really bad nightmares all night long last night, and i was shaky for the whole day till about 20 minutes ago, i am pretty good feeling right now, james was coming home today, and i talked to lawrence alot today, winter break is just not good for us, but we found out that we can still go out just so long as we dont have sex or are touchy feely with the more private parts of the human anatomy. im pretty floaty right now because of the music i was listening to and singing to/screaming to and dancing to...lol