the happy drunkeness is wearing off and im starting to miss james a lot lately, my cutting has been taken down quiet a bit because im scared to scar really bad and i dont feel much anymore which means i have no reason to cut. i feel pretty upset with my mom sometimes but my main reason for cutting has become an empty space so, i dont need to cut about james. i miss him a lot right now and i wish like all hell he would come home to me and leave that jessica girl but alas, he wont. he never will come back to me, almost two years of my life gone on him....trusting he would never leave or hurt me, but he left when i needed him the most (i was crying myself to sleep every night about how hopeless the world was, contemplating giving up on life because i havent done anything to help the current state and i just needed someone to help me back on the right path, but he was "to busy" with his radio show and student government and partying with that jessica girl, yeah....what was i? his worthless little plaything? his current and temporary little toy?) i dont know, im still a little buzzed. maybe i can keep this current drunken state for a night or two...probably will need more then the 3/4 pop bottle of southern comfort i have (im sharing with like three people)....fucking a... moms being nuts lately to...i want to go home, where home used to be, in jims arms. so much love, did i ever diserve it? i doubt it, but it felt so good and i loved him so so much....love smove man, im the gunk under that boys shoes...dude...fuck that, that last 3/4 bottle of so co is mine! im gonna get drunk and im gonna cry my sorry sorry ass to sleep...