well not really disturbed but its the closest i could get to frustrated with the day and pissed at myself for last night....so yeah last night i slipped a comment to james about how i was feeling at that moment (majorly turned on) and he totally missed it and i was flipping out for an hour about how i fucked up our friendship...didnt even notice how subtle it was and that a guy would miss that...meh so we talked like all night about it and his new theory is my mother has traumatized me and i need to realize that im human...this seems to be a common theme with people lately...grrr man just grrrr...but yeah we started out like all awkward and not sure of how to phrase things and by the end of our conversation he was like "im your boyfriend you can check me out you know! ask all your girlfriends im sure they check there boyfrienda out! when i come home what are you gonna do?" im like um work on this little problem i have with not being able to say shit - "yes, AND your going to check me out!!" he was all happy at the end of the night and was working on making me comfortable enough to the point that i would tell him that i think hes sexy - and he is and in fact JAMES IS HOME ON FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!! today is tuesday that means i get my james i get to maybe go to a movie with him friday night and im hanging out with him all saturday and im hanging out with him all thursday after that! my mom gave me permission to ditch school and were going out to this fancy restraunt - i lost on that one i told him we should go to mcdonalds, i hate him spending his money on me and i really dont want him to on his birthday! i would rather he just stick around and hang out with me...also i dont see why he would pay that much for food - i dont eat much at all seriously...grr do love the james though