so im sitting here rocking back and forth crying at the computer no fucking clue why. i just feel all sad and shit, fragile like the fucking wuss i am. messy fucked up and weak. sigh, i just dont know. the blood thoughts are back and i cant tolerate how fucked up shit is. i over slept this morning missed all but the last 8 minutes of class, dog got out, im grounded for a week, almost sprained my ankle 4 times today, i had a bad ass time with bec in bio today though. why do i always feel miserable after ive had a lot of fun, ate lunch with zachary and luke, we shared fried rice and chicken, lunch is on me monday if zachs hungry, james keeps sending me these messages on my cell saying that im awesome and perfect and he loves me, it only makes me feel worse and more like crying. ive got this huge pressure in my chest. im a fucking fat whore and i need to figure out how to help bec with her anorexia problem, im sick of these fucking people. i cant stand it, moms moving us to taylors falls, yay not completely hicksville but damn close, im gonna get jumped by a bunch of wannabe suburbianites. james is all happy with suburbia but i get shaky and terrified, not a fucking clue why. i feel so fuckig stupid and mom was so sensitive twords one of the birthday she bought for her, worrying that she wouldnt like it i almost huged her but theres a huge fucking barier there so i just sat and told her it wasnt cheap crap and went back to diablo 2. whatever who the fuck cares...