i keep on cutting myself, james keeps on coming online and everytime i talk to him i just want to slit my wrists at all the lies i believed and trusted and planned my life around, this journal is just all about my dedication to him really, and jake at times, lawrence i dont know....so many many things he said, they all come back and hurt like hell. i dont want to do anything anymore, ive fallen...bre doesnt even bring things to me anymore so she wont be a trigger so i wont cut. i have dried blood all down my arm, i cut four times in the bathroom and its not even lunch time.....im getting out of control, i really want a drink. the cuts dont hurt, well the one on my thigh does but, whatever, i wish i could cut out my heart and not feel anything again....