okay so i told jake about the burning and well, there was this girl named dawn i guess, who cut her self and everytime he tried to get close to her all he could see was her cutting. i swore to him last night that i wouldnt ever again. i burned again last night which is why i had to tell him. james was online and it was bad, i started shaking and crying. i dont ever cry..... so i grabbed a lighter. no blisters this time. just really mild ones i couldnt wait for the lighter to get hot enough for it to actually do much. so we spent a while talking via phone and text message. he was telling me about how hot candle wax hurts, he took a candle on christmas and was playing with the wax "it hurt. a lot more then i expected" he said he was going to stick around and said that he just wanted to hold me and keep me safe, and that today he was going to kiss me till i forgot all of it. also, he called me dear. what did i do that another great person likes me? maybe theres more to me then i thought? either that or im prettier then i thought i was. but i think he actually cares and im going to trust him, even though that means i might and very likely will get hurt again. its different with him anyways, but in so many ways it feels the same. but yeah, i feel safe and when i talk to him, the nightmares go away for a while. we were up till two thirty though and my alarm goes off at six-thirty. were seeing a movie tonight. some oceans twelve stuff. i dont know. i let him choose. ill probably pass out during the movie, im real tired. were also doing lunch tommorrow to. i cant believe he is sticking around.