chaos, dan came over and told me that he would adopt me and insulted my mom and sisters (mom said quote "ignore dan he just comes over to make sure caseys happy and make the rest of us feel like shit, cant have casey unhappy") like its my fault he came over! i didnt call him over! i dont want a dad, real or adopted, and i dont want some freaky ass old guy lovin me. i dont want my family either. my cat billi is at the vet, they had to do surgury to him last night, he had something on his face and it was going to explode again. an absess, from a fight or something. bear cried like hell becuase tris told her billie was going to die. talked to jesse last night. he says ive changed since freshman year, like im not as happy as i used to be and i wouldnt have done half of the things im doing now, im hanging out with the wrong crowd and im dark and hidden. okay, i wouldnt have drank anything freshman year, and i was a little happier back in the day. i dont know. im not happy with my life. i like being around jake and jesse and a few of the guys but i really....im not as family oriented as i used to be, a lot has changed for me since james left. jesse told me "i think that jim walked away with part of your heart casey" which is true, some of me left, a lot of the good parts left. jake brings them out again but yeah, i dont think even he does, i think it just stops hurting or something. i get really shaky sometimes and restless and i dont know why, i used to just be able to sit alone with a book and be happy as hell, now im impatient and cant do that anymore. however im really peaceful when i actually am in the library.....i want my jesse and i want to go back to sleep. actually fuck jesse, i want james back, and i want my mom to just leave me alone, she always snaps at me for stupid shit. i mean yeah i shouldnt have lost my glove yesturday at the vets but i was a little distracted watching my cat. and no i shouldnt have written what i did, but you know what its true. i just shouldnt have wrote it, but she shouldnt have went in my purse or read my journal.....sigh.....well jess said he is coming over tonight to talk to me and fix the computer (still havent fixed the cd rom drive, which i blew up lukes cd in...)