oh yes life is so shitty i swear - i was so fucked up last night - mom caught me and james and now i dont get to visit him - next time he visits is in june - fuck i hate me- i burned myself somemore last night but i got smart and didnt do it to my arm - it hurts alot more if you burn your legs i found out - no matter - james didnt want to getout of bed this morning, i have to get a job - he spent 220 dollors on a plane ticket so he could come see me and i cant hang out - somehow though i still have a faint hope that she will let us hang out on his birthday...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...mom took the one thing away from me that i have been looking forward to for fucking ever - she is once again trying to break me into being submissive and obedient - it hasnt worked yet - maybe i should give in so i can see james....the thing is i fucking cant, i cant even let myself cry because i used to view it as extremely weak and her winning.....fuck....