oh yes this day is shit this school is shit my life is shit - i feel all alone and empty again - i hoped i wouldnt go back to this - yesturday i called james and he told me to call him back at midnight so he could take a shower and shit and i fell asleep and shit and woke up at three and called him only to have my phone die after 20 minutes which was fine i wanted james to get some sleep - i want to just disapear, i dont think i have ever felt so alone...im completely miserable sitting here in the computer lab alone - i left the other computer lab because since lawrence and i broke up ive felt like the third wheel all the time with people at school, i am terrified that im going to end up scaring james away because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. i can never believe how fucking amazing he is...i cant believe that someone so amazing would like me or care for me and ever night he tells me he loves me - that just blows my mind - i feel so lost right now all alone in this computer lab...theres no one here and im just so fucking weird lately...i dont know i just *sigh* im in that mood where i would normally take my lighter to myself but well james said something about it last time i did id "well maybe i should have just hung myself since i dont seem to matter, me caring about you or how you look or who you are doesnt seem to make one bit of difference maybe i should burn myself, maybe i should just cut myself, it doesnt seem to matter that everytime you hurt yourself or insult yourself you hurt me to...maybe it was a mistake not to go threw with it"...i lover james to much to even think about him doing something like that to himself, i would be so fucking lost without him....i honestly would have lost it without him in my life, even before we really knew each other he was there for me...i am gonna go home now theres nothing better to do......