ugh i made james cry last night, yeah, i told him about the experience at the bustop last night, i was talking to a friend of mine who is just complely odd, but fun and he was giving me that vibe i get right before people ask me out, but i told james (he didnt ask me out) james cried because he felt like if i said yes if the kid did ask me out he would feel like shit but if he kept me from going out with the kid he would feel guilty for holding me back, you see i love james - just so fucking much...i hate that he lives three states away in fucking kansas. i would give my life to make him happy and the one thing that we both want neither of us can have, he wants to come home and see me and i want him to come home...i fall asleep wishing that i could have seen him that day, our phone conversations last for three hours but its just not the same as being able to sit there with him hand in hand talking to him face to face, being able to just randomly up and hug him...god he told me that he curls up with his pillow wishing that me and pillow could change places so that he could see me again and hold me and just be there for me, every day in school i wish that he was home that i could just go visit him after school, but instead we are both sitting here counting down the days till he can come home, god i miss james....fuck, im not going to break down in school, im not going to break down at home, or on the phone, or while talking to him, im not going to let myself cry over this or fall apart, he will be home in a month and a day then i have him for a week, after that its six ungodly long months...fuck, silverchair!!!