Its the little rituals that keep me close to her. Cuddling and watching whatever TV series we're into a the time, thats the one I value most since we've split. She origionally got me into watching shows with her.... first Heroes, then I got suckered into watching LOST after I'd spent a few seasons half-watching it while I was in the same room (much like I did all through high school with my mom's TV series). Now its Dexter. And we've just started the 1st season, so there's lots more Dexter to come.

We lay down on my bed, cuddle, and watch a series about a very meticulous serial killer.

I love sociopath characters, I find that the complete alien mindset of somebody who feels no emotion... its so attractive. My greatest pleasure in life is figuring mysteries out, and so many characters in all movies are all too easy... they're designed that way, so people can relate. But I truly love the characers and villains that are hard, even impossible, to relate to. Because it gets my mind going. In a way I suppose I envy these characters, their ability to stay calm in the most ridiculous situations.... their hands are always steady, their every movement perfectly measured because they don't have nervousness or any other emotion causing them to second guess themselves.

Dexter is different though.... it presents the sociopath in the light of a hero. He feels this urge to kill.... yet he ensures that the people he slakes his thirst with are all people who deserve it. People who have killed before, and will kill again. He's very thourough in his investigations, and in his entire operation. I find no attraction to the killer aspect of him, but I admire the character for his attention to detail.

Some say that the devil is in the details. I disagree. I think its where you find God.

I'm amazed that I went on such a tangent there. I'll get back to the reason I sat down at this computer, to express myself and my thoughts about the other details I've been paying close attention to in the last 2 hours or so, while laying with Kat watching Dexter find his personal god and mine.

I'm thankful that I still get to lay with her, even if its just once a week or so, to watch these shows. Its intoxicating. I've spent so much time around other women lately.... hugs, cuddles, kisses.... one even spent the night next to me. I could never bring myself to make any moves, I always felt like something wasn't right. And when I lay with Kat, it is right. The heat of her body, the way she smells... the way her somewhat frizzy hair constantly finds its way to irritate my face; it used to bother me, but I find it oddly comforting now. Its intoxicating, I'll say it again. In the last 2 hours that I've laid next to her, holding her, I have felt more relaxed than I have felt in months. It takes me back to a more pure time; not simpler, for our life together hasn't been simple for some time. But it was certainly pure for a long time, right up until right before the end....

Something that Kat said to me shortly after the breakup.... that she felt like we'd get out and date other people, have other relationships, other loves. But that eventually we'd wind up together again, because even with her apparent lack of romantic feelings for me.... she knew we had something special.

I think she is right. We'll see how time tells, however. In the meantime.... Dexter and Kat. The 3 of us make my most perfectly exquisite poison.