Turns out I was right, Whitney had passed out and thats why I couldn't get in touch with her.

I've told her that twice now she's gone MIA on me on date night and that as gorgeous as she is, I also have enough self-respect to toss my hands up and say that I'm done chasing. I said that things are in her hands now and, because I don't want all the prep work and raw food to go to waste, I'm making the dinner tonight with or without her. I'll invite a friend over to share it if I have to.

So now I'm here waiting for her to get back from Rutland with her mom. And I'm anxious as fuck, wondering if I'm going to get stood up again tonight. My self-doubt is taking hold again, telling me that the 2 very good reasons she had to disappear on me the last couple of times were mere fabrications and she really just wants to see how long she can string me along. After all, she's beautiful... is she that far our of my league? Maybe.

No answer on her phone, just called. Maybe its in her purse in another room, maybe its dead, maybe she just didn't hear it. Maybe she's getting all dolled up right now and ignoring the phone so she can get over here sooner. Or maybe not.

I wish that for once I could meet somebody who appreciated the effort I put in. I don't even need it returned to me. I just want them to notice and say "Wow, thanks for doing that. I'm glad somebody cares." Kat used to be that girl. And then she just.... forgot. Or stopped paying attention. Or something.

After all I've been through with women in the last year, being jerked around by some drop dead gorgeous girl is not what my self confidence needs.