I feel like this is a conversation I should have with a person, not a journal.... its like I have these thoughts to express, and I want somebody to bounce them back at me with their own thoughts and experiences. But at the same time... I don't really get the point of that conversation, so I hesitate to start it with anybody. And thus I'm here.

I find it so strange how life changes over time... not like in the months, but in the years. The relationships that we have are ever shifting, as we grow into adults and past adulthood. I'm getting to know my youngest sister not as simply my younger sister but as an equal adult that I can have a solid conversation with.... I've taken being an older brother for granted, I think.

I guess that thought would have lasted longer as a conversation.... it was pretty fast to write down I suppose.

I've been feeling really lonely lately... but its weird, because I'm not missing Kat specifically. In all honesty, I barely think of Kat anymore.... I'm just lonely in general. When I fantasize about laying in bed with a woman, I think of McKenzie... its a week until she arrives. I can't wait.... having her to hold will be so intensely satisfying.

This isn't just a romantic lonliness... its everything. I'm getting really tired of simply watching Dexter alone, or playing WoW or Starcraft or guitar. Jogging alone, working out alone. I hang out with friends every day or so.... but its hardly the all-day chillout that I'm used to. What I'm used to is Katie coming over with 2 or 3 other people and a bunch of beer, every day of the week. I'm used to constant social contact... and I'm not getting it. I'm really, really lonely here... its such a small town, with nothing to do.

And I've only been here for 2 weeks. 6 more left until I move out.

Its a good thing though, because I'm healing from everything... I'm becoming more healthy. I can feel the sanity returning to me still.... I'm moving on. I think. Who knows.