God dammit, I think I'm really starting to hate Kat. More and more, I'm realizing the shit that she's done to me, the inconsiderateness that she's shown me. I stood by her through some of the most difficult points in her life, and at my time of weakness she fucked off and left me to die. It was fucking bullshit. I don't deserve this crap.

All this anger, just from a phone call from her. She was so nice, letting me know that she found a few of my things and that she'd put them all in a bag for me so when I come on wednesday to pick up the lamp I could just grab it all. She also invited me to Drayden's birthday party on next sunday... I'll show up on my way back from Rustic Robot. But something about it all... just made me so mad. Talking to her pissed me off.... apparently she's pretty fucking broke right now, and she fucked up her SUV a week ago while she was camping. She's too broke to get it fixed... and all I could think of was "Well if I didn't have to spend almost a grand getting a car for myself, and all the money to save and move to Kelowna, maybe I could help you out. Maybe if you hadn't fucked me over so much, and I was still your boyfriend, life would be easier on you. How much help has Dave been with your SUV? None? Because he doesn't really GIVE A SHIT? Yeah, good catch, that one."

I'm so emotional and angry right now, I can barely type. I fucking hate this. I'm fine, and I've been doing really fucking good, and she fucks it up by calling me. Just hearing her voice throws me through a waterfall of fucked up emotions that leave me shaking and confused and pissed off and hurt.

This whole fucking thing is bullshit. I hate emotions. I hate breakups. I hate being so goddamn unstable. I hate hating somebody while loving them so much. I hate that I can't get her out of my fucking head, no matter how much I want to just forget her and never talk to her again. I hate how I still love her son so much, and in all the pain I feel I'm almost tempted to use him as a weapon against her, but I won't, because I'll never stoop to that level and I care about him too much to use him like that.

I want to go hit things.