My sister introduced me to a girl today, who I hung out with for an hour or so and talked a bunch with. Strangely enough, her name is Kathrine too... not the same spelling as Kat's (which is spelled Kathryn) but still. The same name thing made me laugh a bit on the inside, as if life is poking at me and making a bit of a joke.

Katherine is nothing like Kat at all... its really funny actually. Kat is so fiery and emotional, but Katherine is very cool and intelligent. Its been a long time since I met a woman who could challenge my intelligence, and I really liked it. She doesn't have the raw sex appeal that Kat has... but there's something cute about her. In that awkward smart girl sort of way... I'm into smart girls though, so that definitely helps. This isn't going to go anywhere, she's moving to Vancouver at the end of the month and just wanted somebody to spend some time with before she heads out. I'm more than happy to be that person... just to get out of the house with somebody is nice.

The feeling I had when I left the house to go meet her... it felt like me again. Here I was, all dolled up fresh out of the shower, marching downtown towards the closest thing to a blind date I'd ever been on. It wasn't a date, it was just meeting this girl to hang out and chat, but still... all I had was a name. It was exciting. The possibilities were a rush... its sometihng I'd forgotten about meeting new potential romances; the wonderful feeling of unknowing. That you could be marching off to something wholly unexpected... its a beautiful feeling.

I'm not ready for a relationship yet, but when the time comes, I'm excited for that rush. Finding somebody amazing that I want to promise myself to, and wondering where life will take the two of us. That knot in my stomach in the moments before I kiss them for the first time... I got a taste of it at Shambhala with the girl I hooked up with, but that was meaningless and I knew it wasn't going to lead anywhere past however long she was in my tent. What I'm talking about is the feeling before I kiss somebody that I know I'll be kissing many more times, and wondering exactly how many kisses will be shared....

I'm definitely feeling better these days... I can honestly, sincerely say that I don't want Kat back anymore. My natural optimism is starting to shine through once more, obscured as its been for months, and I've realized that I'm going to be fine. I've realized that this is a massive opportunity to make something so much better happen... to grow as a person.

I don't hate Kat anymore. My hatred for Dave is starting to fade. Most of the negative emotions I have are just bitterness and loneliness. I'm worried that I'm going to rush into a relationship in Kelowna, to be honest... I've always had a counterpart, be it a best friend or a girlfriend. And I have neither right now... and its far easier to get a girlfriend than suddenly a best friend. We'll see though. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I hope that I'm ready to date when I do.

I hope I can make this new, mysterious person happy. I hope they see all the things that Kat stopped appreciating... or maybe they'll see great things that Kat never even noticed.

Its all about the beautiful unknowables, right?

Who knows what'll happen now...... after all that's happened though, there's nowhere to go but up.