Time for a big update. Usually I do things in a chronological order, but right now I'll start with what's on my mind at the moment because goddamn its frustrating.

I am so angry at Jackie and Demi at the moment. I left for a weekend, and I come back and feel like my room has been completely disrespected while I was gone. I wish I had a lock for my bedroom door. I'm contemplating getting one. I just bought a brand new keyboard, and I come back to find half the keys stuck to it because Demitri had a big spill. Now there's also a massive yellow stain underneath my computer chair due to another spill. There's a plate of half-eaten jell-o stawberries on my computer desk, strawberries I made for my dinner with Holly that got delayed (i'll explain in a bit) that I wanted to not be eaten. There's also a now empty plastic container that had contained raw strawberries on the other side of my desk, with a bit of mold growing in the corner because of bits of stawberry left there after they were done eating. I feel like my room is getting completely destroyed whenever I'm gone because she isn't watching him, and that she honestly isn't too much better than he is.

Nothing has been done in the house over the weekend. I didn't expect her to clean everything. I just expected her to take part in general upkeep. Which she didn't. And this is not a singular thing. Its constant. I feel like I'm the one doing far more of the housework than she is. I do probably 2/3 of the dishes, and I've taken out the trash every time but once (and that wasn't even just her, I helped). In September I felt that it was somewhat justified, because she did bankroll pretty much the whole month since my loans were late. But now that my loans have come, and I'm a financial contributor to the house, that we should be doing an even share. And I'm not.

Her explanation oftentimes is that she's sick, or not feeling well. And that's a totally legitimate complaint, which I have no problem helping out with. But its been constant. She's spent almost as much time sick as she has well, it feels like. My pity for her health has run out; I'm rarely ever sick. She's been more sick in a month than I get in a year. I don't know why she's constantly under the weather, and frankly I don't care, I just feel like if I can be healthy so can she.

I talked to her about it after I got home just now, and she seems genuinely apologetic towards everything, and I hope it improves. But I don't honestly feel much optimism. Lip service is something I've gotten from her for such a long time I practically assume that any apology/promise she makes is mostly comprised of that.

Its been a month and a half since we moved in here. I've told her that if things don't change for the better, I'm not going to stay. She's got another month and a half until the start of December, and thats when I'll be giving my one month's notice (if I give it) so I can get a new place for the next semester. We'll see how it goes.

I feel like its my fault, in a way. Do I just make it easy for people to take me for granted? How can I stop it without being an asshole? I don't mind picking up slack here and there, as long as its appreciated and reciprocated at times. Getting up in the mornings with Demitri, doing lots of the cleaning, and the dishes.... I really don't mind. I just wish that when I was gone, she kept things up. And this is a constant thing... girlfriends have always gotten used to the way I do things (and girlfriends have been my roommates almost always) and end up taking it for granted. Is this just the natural way of things? Should I demand that they pull their side of things? I feel like I shouldn't have to.... I'm their roommate/boyfriend, not their father.

But anyways, the trip... augh. I'm just emotionally exhausted from being so frustrated. I'll get to the trip in a bit.