I feel like I've played this game before, like I know these movements and I know where this is going.
Everything with Kristi feels so much like how things started with Kat... the passion, the completely obscene chemistry and the overwhelming feeling of closeness with her. She's over here almost every day, and even then I miss her when she's gone. She's so hard to get out of my head. Its just like it was when Kat and I first fell in love; we used to miss one another when we were in seperate rooms. We could waste hours together doing nothing and be absolutely content.
The similarities are startling, actually. Even things that aren't how I feel; they're just facts. Once more I'm falling head over heels for a single mom with a horribly abusive ex-boyfriend. I'm a boob man, and both Kat and Kristi have very little bust to speak of but the most amazing asses I've ever seen. Maybe thats part of why I was attracted to her in the start, the physical similarities I mean?
And there's still Marion, the french exchange girl; she's a whole different kind of mystery to me. She's only here for the semester and I want to get to know her as well as I can while she's here. There's just so much to learn, so many differences between our nations that I would never have appreciated without having met her. She actually makes me nervous... I'm so attracted to her and the cultural barriers are preventing me from really reading her which sets me so far off balance that I stumble over my words. Half the time I feel so comfortable around her, but the other half I feel like a 14 year old boy learning to flirt for the first time. And I think I like that about her.... I've gotten so used to being charming and its nice in a way to have those heart-pounding nerves again while talking to a pretty girl.
In a way I feel guilty for casually dating and not actually committing to one or the other. I feel like I'm not giving them the respect they deserve.... I've gotten so used to monogamous romance that this sort of situation is awkard for me. But there's reasoning behind it.... Kristi only left her ex a few months ago, and after all he put her through I think she needs time time to be free before she's ready to really commit to somebody again. And Marion is only here for the semester, then she's back to France. I respect them both, and I've made sure that they know where I stand.
It seems like such a simple system; I casually date them both for a few months, experience them both and learn from the relationships with each of them, and by the time Marion goes back home Kristi will have been given plenty of time and she'll be ready to actually get into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It seems so systematic when I lay it out like that... and something about it rubs me the wrong way.
Its just not what I'm used to. And I suppose at the end of the day it creates the greatest net gain for everyone involved..... and I can't see anything morally/ethically wrong with it. But I feel like I'm crossing some sacred line. Its probably just because I'm not used to this sort of thing.