So much self-reflection lately. So many entries. So much to think about.

Am I ready to date again? I don't know. I've got a date tomorrow night. I don't even know why I asked her out, to be honest. I don't think she's my type at all... it was just me flirting, and I made a bold and impulsive move. I'm just going to play it out and see where it leads.... at this point I can admit that I'm pretty desperate for female contact. I don't even want sex. I can get sex. What I want is to lay down, watch a movie, and fall asleep. I want to wake up without a 2 year old bursting into my room an hour before I'd like him to, I'd like to wake up comfortably to find somebody soft and warm enjoying my embrace. So maybe this isn't going to be so bad.

I sound like the stereotype of what women want at this point; I'm attractive, sensitive, caring, protective but not overprotective.... and sex isn't super super important. If only there was a way to broadcast this fact and I'm sure I'd have enough affection to keep me happy forever.

Back to my question though.... how will I know when I'm ready to date again? Is it when I'm free of Kat? When I don't think of her anymore? When I don't daydream about those first few weeks we spent together and we could barely stand to be in different rooms? When I don't compare (consciously or unconsciously) girls to those first weeks?

Maybe Amanda is more my type than I realize. Maybe I'm just stuck with Kat in my mind... I'm expecting these fireworks. With Kat it may not have been love at first sight, but she had me hook line and sinker before I even knew her..... back then we were just co-workers at the club. It was just a new years eve, her last shift before she quit to go to nursing school. Neither of us had a kiss for midnight, so I flirtatiously propositioned her for the position. We were just co-workers. And with a grip on my collar, her lips planted on mine just after midnight, she demanded my interest. Maybe I'm just too focused on how that started.... she lit me on fire right from the start, and maybe I'm just expecting that to happen again.