Talking to Kat wasn't very good for me in the short term, but I've come to realize that it was something that was actually really good for me. I can see that now that its done. She hasn't called in a few nights, and the last time we spoke I got lots of stuff off my chest and we talked about everything that had happened and was going on between her and I.

I'm not getting her back. I think I always knew that. I'd entertained those ideas of "Well maybe one day once she's got her shit together" but I think it was pretty clear that those thoughts were nothing more than me wishing that I could get back what her and I had before it all went to hell. It'll never be the same, I'll never have it back. She's gotten her shit together, she's grown into a really mature woman who has learned a remarkable level of self-control in such a short time (especially considering how little she started with). She's grown so much, and unfortunately for me I was the human sacrifice required for such a rebirth. It feels nice that she at least felt bad for the heartbreak she put me through, and chose to learn and grow from it. On the other side, I look at her now and can't help but think "She was amazing before. But now she's grown and my blood, sweat, and tears fueled that growth. But I'll never be able to enjoy the end results".

Brook came down this weekend. She kinda sprung it on me as a surprise, which would have worked well.... had I not been just getting over a cold. This whole weekend seemed to conspire against us, it was pretty fucking terrible. And I'm getting the feeling of more and more certainty that Brook isn't really going anywhere.... we're close and romantic and such, but I have this feeling in my gut like its not ever going to be anything more than it already is. She sorted out that issue with her ex though, which proves to me that it really was just a misunderstanding and I was right to give her that chance.

But things went rocky from the start. The weekend wasn't bad, I still had a great time with Brook, but it felt like circumstances were constantly making what could have been an amazing weekend into something much more irritating.

I'd just gotten over a slight cold, but drinking at Brook's friends place on friday night brought it back in a vengeance. So I was sick pretty much the whole weekend.

Saturday was good I suppose, other than dealing with the constant sniffly nose. I suppose Jackie is what made that day the most difficult. I told her that I was coming back from the night out at Brook's friends sometime around 2 the next day... and she calls me at 11 to ask when I'll be back. When she goes out overnight (which is a few times a month) she all but laughs at me if I ask her to be home before noon, how dare she call me and bug me about coming home when I've already told her when I planned to be back. Nevermind the fact that I was already on my way home because despite a night of drinking; I wanted to get on with my day. I come home to find her complaining about being tired... from staying up the night before playing scrabble. Really. I was out getting drunk at a house party on the other side of town, and she was playing scrabble. And when I get home at noon, she's the one complaining about being tired. Its typical Jackie. Jackie's bitching and complaining continued throughout the day. Its hard to enjoy really relax when you've got somebody whining all the time about all the injustices of their life.

Sunday was frustrating because Jackie apparently got sick too. But unlike me, the functional sick person who still manages to be a father and entertain a guest, she decides to stay the whole day in bed while I take care of our son. But like a child with a cold, she surely wasn't too sick to go out drinking with her friends on Sunday night like she'd been planning. Ignore the fact that she goes out like that a few times a month and I do that MAYBE once every two months.... asking for a bit of courtesy like maybe staying home to watch her son since she had either been bitching and moaning or laying in bed, and it was Brook's last night here. So Jackie went out, and I spent my last day and night with Brook babysitting my son.

Normally I wouldn't mind, but i feel like I give Jackie lots of free time to go out and spend time with her boyfriend and such. I feel like I've got some banked time, per se. But I guess not. I suppose I'll be less cooperative with her in the future.

Sunday night was going to be decent, I mean Demi is just a kid and he goes to bed early. Except Sunday. He slept for about 2 hours... and then right as things are starting to actually began to enjoy one another....... Demitri got out of bed. And I put him back, and he went back to sleep. And then he got up again, and again, every 20 minutes or so, until almost 2 hours had passed and the moment was just shot. Scared of another mood-killing arrival of the 2 year old, even after he went to bed we still couldn't really do anything. So we begrudgingly accepted defeat for the final night she was here, and went to bed. But Demitri didn't let it end there. At about 2am I woke up to find he'd pushed himself onto the bed and kicked Brook to the foot of the bed! Of course I carried him back to his room and got her back up beside me.

The morning was no better. I've never seen Demitri so obviously jealous before. As she's getting ready to go, he's giving everything to her and rushing her out the door.... I was so embarrassed by him. He's never been like that before.

I still had a good time with her... it was really great to see her and relax (for the time we could). But it still sucks, I got cockblocked by my roommate and my son for pretty much the whole weekend.