No matter how many good reasons I have to stay single, ranging from the practical (less distraction from schoolwork) to the hedonistic (I think the british accent is sexy as hell, and I'm going to the UK fo a week in the summer), my heart is constantly spurring me forward to find somebody. Anybody.

Being lonely sucks. I'm more and more being forced to confront the self-worth issues that I have. When somebody is always there and I can see how happy my actions make them, its easily kept at bay. When I bring a smile to a lover's face, I know that I am special to them and that I am worthwhile to them. When I'm alone, I don't have that.

I feel guilty because I can make my son smile, and I know I'm irreplacable to him. And yet he doesn't inspire that same feeling of worth. Maybe its because he's so young... he appreciates me as much as he's capable of, and he does so with his whole heart. But there's something missing.

I crave the love of an equal.

I want to feel as though somebody loves me, and that I have earned that love.

I crave not just the feeling of being loved, but the feeling that I actually deserve the love I'm being given.

I want to be worthwhile to somebody.