My cousin Dylan is down visiting with his girlfriend Chelsea. Its good to see them. Last time I saw him was last summer, when he was down and he met Chelsea (who was a friend of mine living in Penticton at the time)... when he left, she went with. I'm glad to see they're doing well. But so much has changed in my life since they've been here... its weird. They're staying at Kat's place while they're down, and even they say its strange because of how much has changed.

Hanging out with them, I'm forced to remember how really good things were back then. They were really amazing for such a long time... I remember partying with Dylan and Kat last year, having the time of my life. Last summer was easily the best summer I've ever lived through. It was so carefree, so perfect. Nothing like this summer at all, which is full of complications and betrayal and emotion.

I crashed at Kat's place with them last night. Kat wasn't there, she's out of town working until friday. I crashed on the couch. I didn't think it was going to be an issue being there. I felt like after Sham, I was cured of my ridiculous obsession with love. But I was wrong. Its easier than it ever has been... but being there was hard. It was the first time I've really been in that house for more than 5 minutes since I moved out. I've only been out for a month and a half, but already it feels so alien to me. It doesn't feel like my home... it even looks strange. Even though the furniture is in all the same places, there's something different about it. It feels empty. It doesn't feel welcoming... even without anybody there, it still somehow felt like the house knew I didn't belong there, and wanted me out.

I'm definitely healing. Shambhala helped so much. But things like this remind me that I'm not just wounded, I'm scarred. I don't think I'll ever look at a relationship the same way... or at least not for a long time. I feel bad because I know there's a very good chance that all the bullshit I've been pulled through will probably complicate the next relationship I have... I hope that I can really be ready for a relationship before I get involved with somebody. You never really know when you're ready though... you just try, and find out.