Fuck. I miss Kat so much. As painful as it is, I can't stop looking at photos of her and I, and remembering the good times. But those times are over, and I need to accept that. The things she's done... then can't just be undone. Its not as easy as that. We'll never get those moments of perfection and love back. Even if she realizes the mistakes that she's made, and crawls back to me... things will never be the same. I can't just stop my plans, I'm going to Kelowna whether she likes it or not. I'm not moving back in with her.... I'm not going to be able to go back to the way things were.

But I really wish I could. I wish I could just enjoy those moments of pristine love again. I wish I could hold her and hear her tell me that she loved me so much it hurt. That if she ever let go of me, she'd be a fool and she'd miss me forever. That she wanted to marry me. I wish I could go back to those moments, because she made me feel amazing then. Back when I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I had a wonderful woman who loved me; a woman I could trust.

But she's broken that. I can't trust her anymore. She's a selfish, impulsive woman that I can't trust with my heart anymore.

I wish it wasn't the case, but it is.

It doesn't stop me from missing her though.

Dave can have today's Kat though... I don't want the Kat that she is now. I miss the Kat that she was 6 months ago.

I miss the genuine Kat.