The date went better than I expected.... not to say I expected it to be a flaming ball of AUGH but still, I didn't think Amanda was my type and the whole thing was a very spontanious move on my part. But it went well.
It wasn't exciting. We just went for sushi, we walked back to her place and watched Moulin Rouge together (turns out we both love the movie, that came up over dinner. She doesn't, and won't, know that it was Kat and my movie.... I figured that mentioning an ex (especially in that capacity) would be a moodkill) and then I walked home.
Watching a movie that Kat and I had branded as 'ours' while sitting on the couch of another woman, on a date with that woman, wasn't as strange as I thought it would be. It was actually rather freeing, in a weird way. It got me thinking... it reminded me that things change. Just like the movie was mine and Kats, I used to be Kats. But I'm not anymore. And thats ok, like I said, things change. The movie reminded me that I do still love Kat, but thats ok. I can move on with my life though.
I've been forced to remember that not all romances start off like Kat's and mine did. Its not always an all-consuming passionate fire right from the start. You don't need that for a successful relationship. In fact maybe its better if you don't start with it, and you end up working your way up to it. In any case, every relationship is different. I need to approach every date, every man or woman that is a romantic prospect, and just let things happen. There's nothing that it 'should' feel like. I just need to pay attention to what it DOES feel like, and whether or not thats what I want. Flaming passionate lust isn't what I need right now. I think I need something calmer, something more at home. Like the slow burn I mentioned a few months back when I'd just met Brook (who appears to have turned into just a fling, her interest in me has definitely waned. Meh, I'm not offended, I expected it.).
Amanda is a great girl, more my type than I realized, and I'd be happy to get a second date. I can't really say much more than that.... I mean as I said, it was a really uneventful date. But spending time around her felt really comfortable. And I like that. As I said, comfortable and without a rush is exactly what I need. Maybe Amanda is exactly what I need. Maybe not.
It doesn't really matter though. I know I'm ready to date again now. I just need to let things happen, no expectations, no criteria and no guidelines. Just be. And if that means I am just alone for a while, well so be it. I have a brand spankin' new amp for Scarlet and I'll rock out my musical side for a while; if that doesn't get me a romantic interest I don't know what will ;)
We'll see where it goes from here.