Its the 18th today, and I'm still without internet in my new apartment. Thats why its been so long without a post... even now I'm in the school library, on a saturday, checking my facebook and writing here in my journal. Internet is showing up on wednesday, which is awesome. Its taken a while... but Jackie has dragged her feet getting it hooked up. She's been nervous about my financial ability, so she didn't want to get any more bills than she needed. That's her excuse at least... as if internet is a luxury and not a necessity for college students.

Living with Jackie is much easier than I thought it would be. So far, at least. I guess that's not saying much though, considering what I expected.

Our personalities havn't clashed the way I expected, she's calmed down lots since I left her almost 2 years ago. Which is for the better and worse. I'm a rather open person with everything I say and do, and that carries over into negative emotions. I don't yell or scream or throw things or belittle. But it is very easy to see when I'm in a bad mood.... I most certainly wear my heart on my sleeve. And apparently thats immature of me. She seems to be so proud of her ability to stay outwardly calm that she feels like anybody who doesn't follow suit just hasn't grown up yet, or something.

The biggest thing thats driving me nuts though, and oh how its driving me nuts, is her seeming addiction to daytime sleep. Its 1pm at the moment, and I left the apartment about a half hour ago. I had to wake her up before I left, so she could take care of our son in my absence. This isn't a one-time thing, this is a reoccurring theme. Noon isn't usual, most of the time its closer to 10 or 11, but thats still a pain in the ass when Demitri is waking up between 7 and 8. In attempts to wake her up, I let him into her room, and he usually just gets shoo'd out in a minute or two so she can get back to bed. Now I'm not sure how to deal with this... if I storm in there and demand her to get up and be a goddamn adult, she bats me backwards with the aforementioned attitude that I shouldn't express any thing so angrily. But if I just stand in the doorway and calmly talk to her like I'm doing some lecture on a dry-as-bones topic, nothing gets done. I sent her a message via facebook before sitting down to write this, because at least on there she can't nitpick about my tone of voice or cut me off before I'm done making my point. Hopefully it will get something done. I hope so. I'd hope that I won't need to progress to ice water in the morning to get my point accross.

The biggest stressers in my life though have been school and money. My student loans were delayed due to a tiny mistake I made on the application (I won't bore you with the explanation, but it was pretty trivial) and that caused me to miss the deadline for my fees. So the school promptly dropped me from all my courses and said "If you want back in, pay up front. If you don't have it, borrow it, and pay them back when your loans come in." Hooray for accessability to students. Thankfully, my uncle was willing to lend me the ENTIRE tuition for the semester (which I am forever thankful for, holy shit) so that all got worked out. I'm still without schoolbooks though, which sucks. Thankfully I had extra paper and a binder from last semester, as well as a textbook from Management when I took it before and failed (by a few percent, just barely) but that still isn't making things easy.

But here it is, the 18th, and still no loans. I'm sure it'll be in by the end of the month no worries, but Jackie is pissing her pants with worry. She's even gone so far as to say that if I don't have my share of bills for the 1st, she's kicking me out. As if she's got that sort of authority on me in a place we signed onto as equals. She's talking as if we've got no food in the house, which just plain isn't true. We've got plenty. We just don't have the comfortable amount that she's used to while living at her mom's place.

Turns out I have Human Resource Management with Holly, the beautiful woman I'm having dinner with once my loans arrive. This certainly suits my purpose, because it means I'm promised to see her at least twice a week. We've taken to sitting next to one another, as she's rather shy and doesn't know anybody on the Kelowna campus either. I'm enjoying this nervousness around her, to be honest. The lack of knowing how things will turn out... I can't quite tell if she's actually interested in me or if its just casual company. Its keeping me on my toes, and I must say that I'm enjoying it very much... the hunt is always more exciting than the kill, metaphorically. Especially now... there's no commitment in the hunt, no risk of being hurt, only disappointed.

I think that I'm mostly healed from Kat. Distractions like school and the new city have stopped me from dwelling on things. I'm finding that I'm missing her family much more than I miss her; her siblings and father were always great company, especially her dad. Conversations with Joel never disappointed. And in hindsight, although its hard to admit, that relationship was unhealthy for a long time before it ended. It might never have been healthy, I'm not sure. I'm glad its over though, and I'm glad to be in a new place, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Still not ready for anything serious, the shadow of that relationship still looms over my head.... but its softer now. Not quite as heavy as it once was.

I can't wait to post another entry, on my keyboard, in my apartment. These library keyboards are so clunky. They're the kind that you have to press so hard that after a while you're sore. Which is kinda where I am right now. So here I sign off.

I miss your company, journal (and thisle <3). I'll be returning to you guys more regularly before long.