I've been listening to this song for quite some time now and everytime I hear it I kinda relate it to what's going on in my life. If you don't know the song you can get the lyrics and see what I'm saying. So if you've been following what I've been talking about (I know for sure one of you have)throughout my journal you can probably guess why Ilm feeling so bloody mixed and such. But I bet you can't guess what made me happy-ish? Come on, you know you want to guess - try to guess. Nope, it's not that. Hmm... another good guess, but not quite. You can stop now because if you don't know I'm not going to tell you :oP ha! Gotta love that face. At any rate, I read some of the comments left in my "comment-leavie-page thing" and A pretty good suggestion was thrown out there regarding relaxing. The whole concept of going to bed w/ no lights on all cozty and such is really nice, particularly since I haven't been getting much sleep lately. Didn't fall asleep until 1:30ish this morning and I have to wake up for 5:13ish to go to school (for those of you playing the home-game, I have to go to school up unt.il Friday and I get picked up by the bus at 7) So yea, today I was kinda tired and I had a test and such in one of my classes. Again if you've been following this then you know that the reason I can't sleep much at nights is because I'm worrying about things and such. So yea, that whole idea of cuddling up in bed seems great; now if only I could find someone good to cuddle up with, now that would be even nicer :o( But now that I think about it, the people here at sitDiary are pretty smart. The fact that you can leave comments on each others diaries is very good. Particularly when you feel like you can't talk to anyone about anything and then someone takes a few minutes to actually read and write about your life. Sad part is that the person leaving the comments never realize just how much they're actually doing just by writing a little "somethin'-somethin'". A whole-hearted thanks to all of you out there who have responded, whether it be 1 entry or 7. Personally I was surprised to see seven entries by the same person because I never figured that people would stick around on my diary long enough to actually write but she did and I think that's Awesome because no one would ever do that for me, not even the people who know me. And no I wasn't disappointed silly, infact I was quite happy that they were all from you and not from some random person who would be insulting me. (No offence was intended to any random person who wants to insult me. However, you got to admit then when a pretty girl signs a comment, it's a lot better then an insult).I guess the only let down was that she had to stop writing... But enough about the comment page (which I'm happy about)but I'm just hanging out here with this song on repeat - I know I'm a loser, no need to point that out, thanks. For some reason I tend to never stop typing when I come on here. I mean, in person I'm not this talkitive, that is unless I like you, I know you or I want to get to know you; if you catch my drift ;) But that's not to say that I'm unsociable, just means that I usually never talk this much. Like my semi-girlfriend says "You don't talk enough; talk to me! Whine, nag, complain etc., etc." I've got to stop talking about her - it drives me batty when I think about it. So I went out last night with a few of my friends and we had a good time. Oh the memories created while in high school. Mostly bad and I know plenty of you out there can relate to that. In case you're wondering, I ripped the title from my Philosophy teacher while he was talking about high school in general. And yes, I did take philosophy and I guess that makes me a loser too - Blah. Still, I think it can be useful, you learn a lot about the world and yourself (high school) but still. I really can't wait for Prom, I've already got an idea of who I'm going to ask to go with me once next year comes and I'm still single, and with any luck they'll be single and say yes. But I've got a feeling I'll be this way for quite some time, for it'll be awhile until I actually find someone to settle down with. This is mainly due to the fact that no one would want to marry me *tear* but I don't blame them really, even I wouldn't want to date me, let alone marriage. All of a sudden I feel like I'm talking about randomness but it all means something. Or, at least that's what everyone who knows me would say. But even I know that it's the truth practically 100% of the time - I don't do something w/o a reason. Am I too goal driven? I hope that doesn't interfre with my relationships with people... Blast! Now I'm worried about that. I got to stop questioning myself so much, but then that's what lead to this... A fool am I. In a sense I can't wait for after Christmas whereby I can break up with her safetly w/o ruining the holidays for her and then be single again. I know I'll miss the life of having a steady girlfriend there's something about it that leaves you wanting more, but I can't keep on like this - it'll eventually break her or me; one or the other but possibly both. If I'm lucky enough, maybe I'll be able to find somebody elsewhere. But like I always say: if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. Ariva doutche, (accent on the 'e') -Captain B. Lackadaisical