Stayed up for hours the night before last... just couldn't sleep any. However, I must apologize to you people for not writing my usual peices. I know it isn't fair and I know that eventually I'll just start losing your interest but you'll have to forgive me. I just have to do these things for me sometimes. Its not easy seeing and being with a person who's being swept away by two seperate people, neither of which is you. Anyway, while I was up for those seemingly long hours, I was able to string together some thoughts. Some call it a poem, other literature, I call it a bunch of crap that I threw together at 1 in the morning because I wasn't in a crying mood. To get lost in your eyes it's so easy problem is that noone sees exactly what I see; The kindness, the caring the truth and beauty. The moments, the desire the feeling of security. It all leads back to the fact that I can't have you now Perhaps one day, maybe one day if only I knew how... Then maybe I could win you and take you in my arms - to love you and protect you, From all of life's harms. But than again, how real is that? I know it really ain't But what is real, I know as real Is that you are a saint. But worship not, nor shall I pray- these things I do not do. Instead of all these things, my luv, I long to be with you. So though I am this close, I really am so very far 'cause everytime I look at you I see exactly what you are: A friend, a flame, a duty and a drive. A promise, and problem, a reason to stay alive. And although all of these exist, I can't help but feel the pain of knowing that to bring this up, would drive us both insane. I'm such an idiot.I look back now and realize that there's so much that I should have seen. And while I'm here fretting and fussing over this, there are other people thinking about me in the same way. Why must thing be so difficult? I guess if it were all so easy we'd not only never learn, but we'd end up enver really getting to where we have to go. That is, assuming that everything happens with a greater purpose in mind and although we could get into this and work on theories all night long, I think it would be best to forego this one. Farewell, -Captain B. Visionary