Captains log, star date 2-0-0-4-2-0-6.85 I just got back in form shopping with some of the family and I can honestly say that I didn't enjoy myself too much. It's not a matter of me not liking shopping because I do, nor was it the company, I believe the problem lied within. A slightly deeper feeling of lack of fullment... or perhaps fulfillment. Who am I kidding? I really just felt like garbage I guess. So in an attempt to cheer myself up I did the only thing I could at the time. I went to a music store and bought a compelation CD of a truly Canadian band. And now I'm listening to it, I've liked them ever since they came out in like what was it... '92 ish? yea. Great band, never get tired of their rhymes and such. So how was your day? Mine was crappy, I semi- bombed two quiz-like tests and I knew the stuff I just... I don't know. Couldn't concentrate. Went blank during the history and then with the Math I just factored wrong. Well, I can't say that - I got the first and last term, screwed up the middle one though. I don't know what's wrong with me as of lately - things aren't what they use to be anymore. All of the lines have blurred - between reality and fiction, truth and lies, honour and deception. I know what's right and all, it's just... bloody hell, where are my linguistic abilities gone? Not that I ever had much to begin with, but even the minimal amount that was here with me has gone 'ka-put' out the window and away from it all for the time being. Sometimes... I don't know - have you just ever layed awake for lack of sleepage and ever just wondered - I mean really wondered about what's really going on with you - why you do things the way you do, or why you're driven to do certain things as opposed to others? What am I talking about? I know that this entry won't give any of you anything if much to comment on and For that I truly apologize. Usually I try to make these entries as enjoyable for you to read as it is for me to express and figure things out for myself. Maybe this one is salvageable yet... let me think. Myabe I could get all philosophical on you and pull out some theory about Marx. Come on, we all love Marx and contrary to popular opinion, he was not a madman. Stalin may have been, but Marx and Lennon were not. Besides, Stalin was more of a dictator then the other two were; combined. And speaking of dictators, someone *coughcoughsupermancough* has "requested" that I let it all out. Such nice people I know and meet on SitD. But yea, I honesly wish I could let it out but there are times when I don't know if there is aything to let out or even what to let out. I mean, like it's hard for me to distinguish between what is truly a problem and what is merely a spinoff of a problem. Like I said earlier, things have just become so blurred that.. that... On short, what use to be clear and concise; black and white is no longer black or white, nor is it that lovely subjective grey area loved by Aristotle but it's just... How do I put it? I can't; there's no way to say it or put things that'll make any of it seem better. Perhaps I've just putting too much out there at once... maybe I'm just a complainer who doesn't know when to shut up. The latter is quite possible, as is the former. Though to be honest I'm much more inclined to believe that you were thinking the complaining idea about me as opposed to the idea of me letting too much out, or even me just being/ doing anything else. Sounds lovely doesn't it? Oh yea. Well, I can look at it this way - at least I've lived another day to talk to all of those I love. In that sense I suppose I ought to be appreciative. I'm not too sure what I'd do if all of the key poeple in my life were sudden;y removed or replaced... yea. At least I've got them to rely... no, scratch that assist in the role of back up support. The Artillery to my Infantry if you will. Let us just hope that within the course of helping and assisting, the Artillery and Air strikes do not take out our own infantry men. Whatever will be will be - after all, I am still alive. Signed, -Captain B. Grateful