Before I begin, I need to preface this entry with an apologize to anyone who is a fan of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. In my books, she's a cool cat so it's not that I don't like her... it's really just because her work is just so darn catchy. It's not the first time I've used her works to form a structure as a parody, so by now I assume that she's use to it. Besides, it's her fault for being so darn good. So without further ado I present a 9:30Am untitled peice of work over a hot cup of tea, after waking up at 5:56AM for a class at 8:30AM... In fact, that's the title of the peice. Anyway here we go. A 9:30Am Untitled Peice of Work Over A Hot Cup of Tea, After Waking Up At 5:56Am For A Class At 8:30Am Oh, Windsheild Washer Fluid! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee in the winter's depth and height My hand will reach, when you're in sight For you help my cope with grace. I love thee to the level of Tuesday's Most dire need, at minus twenty. I love thee freely, as my dad bought thee; I love thee purely, as patience defrays. I love thee with the passion put to use In chizelling and loosening doors icy. I love thee with energy I seemed to lose With my last swing, - I love thee with the frozen core, And vanity of my efforts! - and if Motomaster choose, I shall love thee better after I pour. This my friends, is what happens after you left your car sit in two days worth of falling ice. What happens is that it takes you close to an hour to get the ice which encases your vehicle off to a point where it is minimally drivable. I love it. It sounds like I'm complaining, and for the first half hour I was a little unhappy, but somewhere in between being covered with ice shavings and losing the sensation in my toes, I realized that I wouldn't give this up for hot and sunny climate. ___________________________________________ Ladies and Gentleman of the Class of '99... Wear Sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experiences.I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. What ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own... Dance; even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old. And when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth... But trust me on the sunscreen. This was one of the songs my grade eight teacher decided to play at our graduation dinner. I suggest that you read it more than once because it's easy to mistake certain lines for a simple, overused clichè. If you download it, get the 5 minute and 6 second version because the seven minute version has two odd interjections that just changes the entire thing and messes it up as far as I can tell. Rumor has it that he compiled a good portion of this song from chain letter emails, you know, the ones that we all get and usually throw away? The ones that warn that if you don't pass them on, you'll have a terrible love life for fifteen years. I usually never forwarded those and neither should any of... on second thought, judging by my love life, you should probably forward those just to be on the safe side. Don't want to upset the messenger gods. At any rate, We were the class of 00-01, so she cut out the song's introduction. As most people in grade eight, we were 13... 14 at the most and I was probably one of the kids in the class who understood the most about what she was trying to tell us. That is to say, if everybody had a 11% understanding, I had somewhere around 22%. I'm older now and naturally, the lines mean more to me. Particularly the one about being nicer to your knees. Listen to him on that one. The more and more I listen to this (and yes, I do have it on repeat as we speak) the more of what he's saying is sinking in. It's funny because I did the exact same things almost six years ago... memorized the entire thing but didn't understand 78% of it. It's funny how we can memorize something - the words, and not actually process the meanings... or even the real words. Case in point; my grade ten drama teacher made the entire class write out the National Anthem. It was sad. They sing it all the time, had been singing it since they were infants and you'd be surprised how many people think it's "glory us and free" and "with growing hearts." I didn't know whether to be ashamed, displeased or disappointed with the class. But that's not the entire point. The point is that we think we know things, we think we understand things but we only know what our mind has put together. A facsimile of the truth that makes it easier for us to recall and cope with. Truly understanding it would take too much brain power, too much thought and sometimes more experience than we will ever have. So we take shortcuts. As the WSIB sign on my cooler at work says, "Don't take shortcuts" (with a picture of a man slipping on the word 'cuts'... that's what makes it effective). And the shortcuts we take lead to a distortion of the truth until we come to a point where we don't know what the original point was and if we had to, we couldn't properly explain it to another. But we'll try, because we can't admit that we really haven't a bloody clue. And that worries me, because as word spreads, it isn't really what it's suppose to be and god help is all if it eventually becomes written down. So don't take shortcuts. Don't be afraid to ask questions, don't assume and whatever you do, think about what it is you're being told because if it's counter intuitive, there better be a damn good explanation for it. "...How much possibility lay before you..." Means more to me now that it would have even two years ago... but admittedly, in my senior year of high school it still would've meant a lot. So much possibility, so much potential. Here's a tip, don't think about 'what could've been' too much or you'll end up making yourself king of the world in an alternate reality and we all know that it's not realistic. Yes you would've been a different person, you sure as hell wouldn't be where you are right now... but that doesn't mean that you would've been the big cheese. Not without me anyway. Who knows when tragedy would've hit had you chosen a different job offer, career, degree, spouse or time of day to get intoxicated. Reality hovers around potential, but unlike GDP, it can never surpass it. You're never self-actualized. You may at one point think you are, but chances are that in terms of the big, you're not what you could've been. But that's okay, you have to square with that, I'm in the process of doing so. What matters isn't what could have been, what should matter is 'what is' - as in, right now. Make the most of every opportunity you get, and if you can't, that's okay. Making the most of an opportunity can be letting it pass you by to further something else that means more to you or just making the mistake of letting it pass you by. Things could be worse, things could be better, but are you happy? Not just satisfied - with the way things are right now. If you're not, it appears as though there is some work to be done. Gotta get out there and not so much change the world, but change your world. And he's right; sometimes seeing your choices as half chance - either it will happen, or it won't happen is best. That's what he really means. And sometimes you should just forget the math that says it's a 75/25 split. It will or won't occur and that's when you just gotta giv'her and remember that when it's all said and done, you are usually the largest deciding factor. Encarta defines sometimes [ súm timz ] as "occasionally: from time to time, not continually or every time." So don't you dare think about making this cavalier outlook a habit because you're not a character in some well-scripted movie and chances are you'll be squashing your potential by doing so. I don't care what anyone tells you, education is the one thing that people can take from you. That said, reasoning is probably the one tool (apparently, in addition to your body) that'll serve you best. And even I can't make that up boils and gouls. Try to use it as often as you can because not everybody has that option. You'll thank yourself for it later. Wanting to dance the funky chicken on my 57th wedding anniversary because I know I won't live to see my 75th wedding anniversary, - Captain B. Reasoning