December 31st... Old years night is right around the corner. I sit here in my good clothes awaiting the new year. New meaning to the phrase "all dressed up and nowhere to go". For those of you who actually care (which I know is not most of you) but last night me and my dad got into a little -'tiff' shall we say? A slight pushing match, a few words exchanged. I don't know what happened. He probably had a bad day at work. Or maybe its thi stupid midlife power struggle crap that he's playing out in his bloody head. I don't know. I thakn everyone for their words of wisdom and advice. Perhaps you guys were right, and although the wrong decision may be the right choice... I couldn't do that, it's just not me. If you ask me, that's partially why people have midlife crisis', it's because when they were young they didn't get to do certain things so when they're older they feel deprived so they go uot and buy a sports car and try to pick up a hot blonde, even though they're married and they start dressing like their young when in reality they're 43 or some crap like that and they've got more wrinkles then an elephant. And speaking of elephant, don't get me started on how big they usually are in size. I don't know anymore... I still can't believe what happened yesternight. I mean my dad, he's a strong guy... really strong. I don't know what I was thinking, but he started it and he was acting all stupid (he wasn't drunk, don't worry.) He can pound the living crap out of me - that is, he's capable of it. I've never layed a finger on this man before -I'm not like this either... what the hell is going on? Self defence is a good claim I suppose, but still - not cool. I really should have gone out last night. But then again if I did that I'd be sitting here telling you that I made out with some girl. I should be going out tonight, honestly I should be, but again, I'm not so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. Maybe I ought to just quiet down. I whine like a mule sometime, after-all, I'm still alive. *walks around* *stops and sits back down* Well, during that little walk my mind wandered off a bit. Actually a lot really. and I started to go over the year. I call it "Captain B.'s Year in review" I'll spare you the dirt but I just realized that I've really not done a whole lot. Well, either that or I can't remember a lot of it. But it wasn't really good year. In fact while doing a small tally, I realized that, in comparison I have more regrets this year then ever before. Too many missed opprotunities, too many bad choices, too many... mistakes. Well this year's going to be different. I think that this year I'm going to start taking more risks, not as calculated - slightly, dare I say it, spontaneous even, just like suggested by yesterdayschild. (Thanks for that by the way.) Maybe I shouldn't act so damn triumphant, this isn't going to be easy by any means... and I've tried this before and it didn't work out too swell. God damn it, why am I so bloody logical and right and proper and arrg. Maybe all of my friends are right... maybe I do need to relax and just be a teenager. All of a sudden I feel like Smegal from LOTR. I'll be off now, I've been typing for too long. Have a safe and fun night all, -Captain B. Contemplation