"I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?... 'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today 'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right And though I can't be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side" - Daniel Bedingfield: "If You're Not The One" Hello my friend(s), I trust that all of you have enjoyed the real first month of school. Apparently along with homecoming events comes the dreaded assignments - hopefully you're lucky enough so as to not be stuck in a compromising position between these two extremes. I'm not in a particularly good mood, that is to say that I'm not in a mood conducive to writing well and thusly, for all intents and purposes, I shouldn't be writing right now. This is where the major exception comes into play: even the Captain has deadlines... and a slight headache at the moment. As some of you may know or may be able to extrapolate from the opening, I'm going through this weird thing right now. Essentially I need to disassociate my feelings, which seems easy, but I haven't been able to get a hold of a certain person to notify them that this is the way it has to be. It's surprisingly difficult and until I do, I'm pretty sure that my overdeveloped sense of loyalty won't let me move on... not as if there's anything waiting for me to come running towards, sav-vy? Sorry, it's the only way I can get the two v's to not look like one w. Which, in hindsight, should have very well been called double-V. A reason for everything I guess. A reason indeed. The other night Shallow Hal was on the Tele; Jack Black and Mrs. Gwynth "I named my kid 'Apple'" Coldplay. I won't lie, it was my first time watching the film and I felt a little emotional. Not to get into a rant of self praise, but for some reason I've always had a soft spot for larger-built people. Not pity. I need to clarify that right now - definitely not pity... but just a weird sense, possibly because I was kinda there and know what happens both internally and externally. At any rate, what I connected with beside the humor of the movie was the notion of people being able to look past appearances and seeing the beauty of the inner person - so much so that it transforms how we physically view the person. From experience I've seen how easy it is for people to do the reverse of this, that is, they allow a persons physical appearance override judgements of character and, especially in terms of morality. Much like Hal, the main point of the film - his experience, didn't hit me until he returned to the hospital in search of Rosemary. He came upon a little girl whom he had seen before, but due to his condition perceived her physical beauty in relation to her inner beauty. With this condition removed he saw her for what she truly was - a child in the burn victims unit. At that moment, two things happened. I had an almost uncontrollable urge to switch majors so I could work with these kinds of children and I had the very controllable urge to show some kind of emotion. Immediately after that, two other things happened - each very magical: he realized that a person's inner beauty is worth more than how they look, and I realized that society is a jerk - Hal exemplifying that point but than transcending it by making the connection from the unfortunate chlid who is scarred to the adult who isn't the prettiest but has a great personality. Society at large is unable to make that jump. They can't seem to make the connection because they have the innocence of a child to circumvent any judgements regarding physical characteristics; essentially because "its just a kid." Fast Forward twenty years later, most people will only see the damaged and scarred young woman in front of them. Many will not approach her for any reason, and those who do will generally not be able to see past her physical demeanor. She could be nicer than the Pope (not like that takes a lot) but how stifled her opportunities due to the way she looks. That's what basically occurred to me between the moment that scene ended and the station came back from the commercial break. Later... as in three minutes ago, it seemed to me that we're really a messed up group of people. I mean, I understand the primal desires to obtain a pretty/ handsome mate to create good looking/ healthy offspring. I understand that completely and it would be 100% acceptable to me if we were primates, but like I have said before (and I will continue to preach) what separates us from our primate cousins is the fact that we have the ability to reason, and it is this higher cognitive ability that gives us gifts known as morals, conscious and it is also allows us to debunk complex conundrums -not to mention my favorite- plan. With this in mind, why is it that we generally insist on picking a significant other by A)Looks and B) personality, whereby "A" generally has a huge weight in both the starting and advancing of a relationship while "B' is cut down to the mere function of stability and 'second-cuts' criteria? And even that only bloody well applies if he/she is a complete and utter jerk! It appears to me that the system is utterly inefficient in so much that 1. Looks and features change over time, so why base something we hope to be long-term primarily on something so temporary? 2. As finding someone of the right personality is the key to longevity, woud it not make more sense to weed out the unnecessary contestants through a process of A. Personality B. Looks, thereby creating a realistic group in which to pick from? That’s why sometimes it's best and usually tempting to date a friend - they love you for who you really are and don't care that you look like a throwback, sport a mullet or have a chin the size of a small country. The process is a little longer, but for Christsake, why bother going from person to person, letting physicality wave 'love' around as justification to dispose of better judgement? We're a society who's obsessed with looks and no matter how often it back-fires on us, we'll continue to do it, partially because it requires too much work to implement a new system and partially we still believe we're right. Regardless of how sad that young woman's situation is, we'll still look out for number one, so chances are that we won't approach her and we'll never find out that she would make us happier than the person we're currently with because it would take too much effort - too much out of us. Naturally humanity has a disposition towards passive acceptance - to not go against the grain of things unless it is an act of self interest, in which case all bets are off. This is why, as we have previously discussed, the right decision is generally the toughest to make, because in terms of resistance, the acts of selfishness, greed, and apathy are low on the scale. However it takes effort to be kind, to share what we have earned, to console or relate to a person in pain. It takes time, time which we would undoubtedly prefer to be using to further our own endeavors or leisure; in other words spend on ourselves. See, to do the right thing is, at times, unnatural for us because it is so much easier to be indifferent and continue doing what we do best - look out for number one. I am not preaching, for I myself am just as guilty as you in terms of the amount of gluttonous time spent chasing acts of self-fulfillment. We all do it, just some are better at hiding it than others. I used an extreme example to illustrate my point, but perhaps when you're looking for someone for a particular post, maybe giving someone of a lesser physical stature an equal or upper hand would be in you advantage. Won't work every time, but it seems to be that this love thing should go beyond physicality - even to the point of minimizing it as the criteria for the post-meeting checklist. Now I'm not saying go for the guy in the corner who smells like tuna or the chap who has a terrible record concerning hygiene; that's just suicide. When in doubt... and even when you're sure: Use your head - that's always rule number one. Buying Time - Captain B. Donkey Riding