You know, it's times like this I wish to god my diskette of old poems would friggen open. I made it when I was still using a windows 95 system and it's got all of my... well... you know, and It won't open with my XP system w/o trying to format it (which, for those of you out there who are not familiar with these things, requires erasing all of the information on it.) I can't even access the bloody diskette let alone the contents. I should have known this was going to happen. Anyway, now I'm listening to audioslave (good band - not super-great but good) and, Once again I'm just feeling blah. Everyday is almost like a little struggle to contain things but I guess that on the upside of things, it build good character and tolerance. I read over all of your thoughts and suggestions and you're all right - all of you. I should do exactly what you're telling me I should do. I know that if one of my friends came to me and told me the exact same situation and bag whinny fears and sorrows I'd tell them the exact same thing. And as right as you all are, as much as every instinct/ impulse in me would like to just do what I should... what I may want to do, I know that I wouldn't. When the cards are stacked against you and you try to find a way "over, under, 'round or through" the cards either collapse on you, fall on you, move, or are non-through-able. Yes, I know the last set of circumstances don't make sense but it's allowed to not make sense - it's my bloody journal! HaHA, "I got the power. Dun-dun dun dun-dun-dun dun dun-dun dun dun dun EVERYBODY DANCE NOW" *Does the white girl dance* Oh yea, you know you liked that. *shifty eyes* At any rate, I'm not sure what else I can really right - you got the jist of things from yesterday and if you didn't feel free to re-read or read it for the first time. I can't say that I can expand on it in a way that it would make it even clearer. It's all working in my mind and with each passing day the things gte a little heavier. I was able to come up with another quote (I promise it's the last one). See, I watched the devils advocate last night, again, and for some reason this bloody movie keeps on aplyig to this weeks entries. Here's the part I took from it. "Guilt is like a bag of [freakin'] bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down." Truth be known, this never ever sat too well with me but someone suggested the same thing(not in so many words) to me a few weeks ago about a different issue. I guess I'm just stupid like that. Truly, -Captain B. Dancing PS - that dance I did was not a crack joke about white girls, white girl dancing, whote girls who do dance or anything relating to the topics. Truth be known the best dancing I've ever done was with one of my old interests and she was a white girl who did the white girl dance. Great kid she was. I tell ya, I'd big my left eye to dance with her like that again. I guess maybe if you went to my school you would have a beter laugh/ chuckle at my comment but trust me I love white girls who can and can't dance. Honestly here, I can't dance all that well so it's not like a mandatory thing. My best girlfriend was actually a white so really I love white girls. Hey, it's all good ladies - I don't discriminate (unless you're underage which is both illegal and immoral.) Oh, I've got an idea - how about I just shut up because I bury myself in a deeper hole? Just remember - I love everyone equally!!! NB - My apologies to anyone who took offence to my statements in this entry.