It's ten o'clock and I wanted to write this entry all by hand, followed by an attempt to rewrite it from what I see and/or remember. Needless to say that the memory aspect of the plan failed as it's 17 days after it was written. Anyway, things are turning out just as I expected, busy, while the amount of shopping done was slow to increase. It's getting there though. I doubt if even the impending shopping spree will help me see the true joy of the season. Oh, speaking of which, I think I've decided to switch to contacts, providing I can still wear glasses at the same time. Kinda odd, but when your self identity has included glasses for about 3/5th of your life, it's tough to move away with it. No need to change my look anyway - the spectacles work just fine for me all the same. I think I'll do the same thing come my 66th birthday. Start walking with a cane so that when I actually need it, nobody'll be the wiser, and for a good couple of years, people'll under-estimate my powers. Sounded like a good plan a yesterday anyway. Came home not too long ago, and realized that I take my defeats too close to the heart; or for a better term, too personal. And you'd think that after a few of these that a person would eventually disconnect themselves from the emotional aspect of failure but not so, not so at all. Keep a tight hold they say, get 'em next time... what if next time never comes? One thing I'm good at - cutting losses. Take my word for it folks. Look at a situation, recognize if you've got it as good as it'll ever get and then get the hell out of there - take what you can and never look back. Well, I've mastered the first part of the recommendation, when I master how to never look back, I'll let you know. Maybe that's why I tend to stop good things before they even get a chance to start- wind up moving too slow or with an uncalculated haste which only winds up making me feel worse about things because the result is the same either way. Then there's that damned transition between feeling like a failure to feeling great. Happened the other day and drove me to some rather uneasy thoughts all because of a pump-truck. I mean, the feelings aren't invalidated because they're dismissed easily - doesn't the fact that they are meditated upon count for something? I guess they'd matter more if a person were to actually act out an ill concieved idear. I mean, if a person were to actually reach a level whereby all safties, self control and higher reasoning capabilities are disengaged... well, that's saying something. FYI, I don't necessarily fully endorse any of my methods for use without first consulting me or at least geting the opinion of someone qualified to replace my judgement. Oh, and speaking better judgement and pressure I'm thinking that things are going to be changing aroung here in the upcoming months. I can't quite explainit, but I just got a hunch is all. As of yesterday [and up to even today (the 30th)] my sister started talking about marriage... I think come next year she'll be engaged - married in the next two. Can't say that I'll miss her immensly, or that it's premture... Let me rephrase that. They're a little over-anxious, but she's getting up there in age - so in that sense, it's about bloody time - know what I mean? I guess she's kinda picked up the whole idea of having a realistic life of her own. Funny how it happened to the eldest after it happened to the youngest. Sometimes I really wonder, but I better not say anything for I know not how things'll transpire for me. As it is, I've been single for over a year, so I'll be lucky if I even find someone interested, let alone committed. Know what I mean? Onto other, less meaningful yet still important matters though... Actually, that's where I decided to go to sleep due to an increased measure of depressants in my system. Anything I really input now should really be under a new entry, so in relation to that, I think it's best if I just end this one here and begin a new entry... You can continue reading if the mood should take you. Comment where ever the mood should take you, but I'm not sure if it's really worth your while... could be though. Continuing, - Captain B. Skipped