Salut, In my attempts to pump out one last entry for March, I seem to have stumbled upon an ineresting subject. Of course, because I'm listening to Jet, I can't say that I'm necessarily inclined to actually to write it all out and be very deep, though in all fairness, a good number of their songs are mellow - so I'll try to avoid the songs like "get what you need," and instead opt for the Eagle-sounding "Move on." So, I tried sushi for the first time yesterday, or perhaps it 'twas the day before? Really doesn't matter at this point in time. Wasn't the best experience in my life; the wasabi hit the back of your throat stronger than brandy... a little like nail-polish remover, now that I think about it. Of course, some of us would be alright with taking things to the throat, but I don't want to start naming names here. At any rate, I wasn't really enjoy myself though I was continually saying that I was when ocassionally asked. Naturally, nobody's too sure if I was trying to convince myself or the others at the table but that doesn't really matter either. And I realized just how much time and effort we all put into propriety and the sense of acting, simply because it's expected. I mean, think about. How many times have you just done things because you felt an enormous weight on top of you (and I don't mean your boyfriend)? I'm sure it's more than you expected. And if you wanna sit there and convince yourself that you're an anarchist and that the man won't control you, well I'm sorry but he's already gotten to you. The fact that you're here is simple proof of that. Chances are that you're here to express yourself - to vent, share, or just put it down for yourself. But the fact that you can't say the things that you otherwise think, means that you, my dear, are just as much a part of this as I am; perhaps not as much as I, but big enough. So where the hell was I? Oh, here the hell I was. So we put all this emphasis on holding things back, or at least becoming the master of rewording our thoughts and feelings to fit into society and all of it's many illusions. I mean, sure, it's one thing to be curtious and thoughtful of your friends feelings, but it's another thing to constantly holding things back to the point where you feel like you're going to burst. Now, it would be nice if we could all just say whatever came to mind - but imagine the world we'd live in? For some people, ignorance is bliss and who are we to interupt that? But I Think we can all relate to times when we just wanted to throw something out there, tell someone how we feel; romantically or otherwise. You see, all of these things, the little and large sometimes ought to be said. Yet we hold it in because we let the limitations of ourselves, or even worse, society, hold us back when in actuality the right thing to do may just be to let others know. And you see, here's the other problem that merely amplifies the problemicity of our choices. We don't know everything. We don't have the full view of the situation at hand, nor can we see, perfectly what will occur. Sure, I mean one can always assume and guess to a certain degree what the outcome will be and than pick a course of action based upon one's desires - I mean, I do it all the time. But the problem with always chosing this course of action, is that probability will show you that sometimes you will be wrong, and what if you're wrong at one of the times when you would prefer not to be wrong? Some would blame fate. But I wouldn't, because never subscribed to the overall ideal of fate or predetermination, so I'll simply dismiss that possibility without going into an elaborate discussion which'll serve as a segue out of this topic. So what, do we simply play our luck and every so often not follow the rules which so many of us live by; some subconsciously? Some prefer to always call a spade a spade and I can respect that, but unlike the Seinfeld episode where George did everyhing opposite, I doubt if you'll get too far. But ultimately, it is up to each individual to find what works best. Be forewarned though, if you continually play things safely, there'll come a day when you'll wake up and realize that maybe you should have done things differently. And, I don't just mean that in the sense that you'll be in a rough situation and than you'll reconsider your moves. I mean you'll be sitting around, seemingly thinking without aim and Wham! you'll realize it all. And you may even hate yourself a little. Sure you'll convince yourself of things like it was done for the greater good, or I didn't stand a chance, or that no alternative presented itself. But than ask yourself this hun, if there was nothing else, why are you beating yourself up so much? Hmm? Clearly you felt as though there may have been something else, something more you could have done. Because the truth is that if you were in a one-sided situation without any options, you'll eventually settle with it; even if you're not thrilled about the choices made. But it's when you've convinced yourslf that there was more... that maybe, just maybe I should have done 'B' as opposed to 'A'... that's when things start to fall apart in your apparently perfectly built world of safety. Reality is just that, it's an illusion of safty, because at the end of the day, you know that it can be dismantled - oh you know how easily it can be dismantled. So what's the moral of the story? The moral is that the next time you rethink your actions and you're on the verge of whimping out to the path of safety - rethink your rethinkage, 'cause the road of safety don't necessarily equate to the land of happiness lil' lasse. Of course, there are those of us who don't have the guts to chose anything different, but can't stomach the situation where in. To you, I say ride it out as far as you can; wait until you're comfortable as possible, without compromising everything, and than decide on what should be done. Because sometimes the best momentary action, is inaction. Rethinkingly Yours, -Captain B. Inactive