Don't worry - the title's just a snippet from a vese in the song - I won't go on anymore about it because I refuse to get all glummy and such. To be honest I can't afford to these days; particularly with exams and these stupid assignments right around the corner. So this will be my what... twentieth entry? that's what the links say anyway. Woo Hoo! Almost at half of a half centruy. Basically half a decade away from a quarter of a century. That's crazy-talk. I should just put twenty. Yes, this is my twentieth entry and although I'm trying to not make this the focus of what I'm writing about it's decided to just take over and be the topic for the opening paragraph here. I feel like I should be clapping here... Nah, I won't even bother too much energy, plus I'll probabl;y end up knowcking down my cd player. So today was alright - I'm quickly learning what other people use to tell me about various other people which I choose to not name at this present time. I admit though, it would be nice to just... nevermind; must contain temperment, don't want to raise that ole blood pressure - god knows what my doctor would say about that. Probably something stupid like last time when I was having those chest pains/pinches and the jitters. "You're over stressing yourself." He'd say, "try some yoga, Ti-Chi, Meditation maybe?" Well gee doc, maybe it's because I'm thinking too goddamn much that I'm having stress related health problems; but of course that never occured to ya, did it, chief? As for yoga, the only thing that's good for is picking up really pretty girls, like in Hollywood Homocide. Wait, maybe that would relieve my stress and tension? *grins* No - who am I kidding? But yea, the whole ti-chi thing kinda, partially worked and such, but after awhile it proved most ineffective. But if ever you're in the market for something like this I strongly suggest ti-chi, it's not just for old chinamen if that's what you're thinking. It works plus if and/or when you speed up the motions it's really a form of self defence. So now I'm stuck here finding that nothing works for me at all and as of lately more and more people have been bothering me. Like their personalities, what they do, how phony they are, the lies. Oh the lies. Reminds me of that song I use to know and love. *Changes song: Matchbox Twenty - Bed of Lies off of the Mad Season Album* There we go, love that song and it applies here too. Now I'm just going to do everything for the entire night with this song here on repeat. And the great thing is that I know all of the words so I can continually sing along w/o feeling like a fool. Actually, I'll do that later; I don't want to get mad or hostile while I'm writing this. *Pauses music* Just too much pent up inside of me that I can't release because there's not enough proof or justification. Ever get that feeling? The one where you know that something is going on, and you know what that something is but the evidence by itself isn't enough to prove anything? It's like...you know the person/people well enough to say to them "Alright, This is what you're doing, this is why you're doing it and I think that you're... because of it." But you won't/ can't say it? Yea- It's like one of those. And if you've still got no idear of what I'm saying and you're totally lost; don't feel bad, I almost didn't understand myself the first time I thought about it. The depths of my mind are so screwed. Can I say that on here? "Screwed," I think I can. It's not as if I'm using it in a derogatory sense. So yea that's just a small portion of what's going down here with me. But it's time for a topic change because I'm really good at that. It's just that on here you can't do it as subtly or as slickly as if you were on the telephone. It's like yesterday, or the day before, when I was on the telephone with two of my all time fav. friends (good ole threeway) and they were trying to get something out of me and I kept on changing the discussion or pinning them against each other and eventually they totally forgot about what they originally wanted me to say and we ended up talking abuot something really far off and distant - it was kinda nice because I wasn't much in the talking mood yesternight. It's just great how the human mind works, isn't it? Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that though so I'll just keep my opinions to myself so as to not offend any of you great people. Particularly the three of you who actually come back almost everyday to comment/ write something up in here (you know who you guys are). Yup, so it's Tuesday, 3:35 [in the PM] and I'm just writing, I could go on forever and ever but that 1. These channels aren't exactly the securest. 2. I've still got a pile of work for tomorrow. 3. I need sleep; bad - no bags as yet though. 4. I'm slightly chilled. Oh and speaking of which, was it just me or did Old Man Winter get a sex change and get a bad case of PMS? What's with this really crappy change of weather all of a sudden? I was perfectly happy with our pre-spring weather in the middle of bloody winter. Don't get me wrong, I love winter and the snow because you get to keep warm by "sharing bodily warmth" (James Bond, 'The Spy who Loved Me') with someone you really really care for. And I'm not talking about your 'rents or anything, I mean, like someone you'd give everything you owned to just spend some time with, the person you'd want to spend your dying moments with. [I'm talking about someone in particular and you know who you are.] If by chance the person youd want is one of your folks; no problem, I didn't mean to offend you in any way shape or form, they're just not the person/ people I had in mind, personally. Granted they are important, but they rank after this special somebody and maybe a couple others... maybe. I haven't really made a list of the people I'd want to see if I was dying (in order.)Like I know who I'd want to see, who I wouldn't want to see, who I'd dislike to see but I haven't put them in order. I even went as far as to make a will concerning my last wishes and such. It's not legal really, but it's just more to my parents and sibling so they can TCOB [Take Care of Business] onec I've kicked the bucket, bit the dust, moved unto a better place (hopefully), walked towards the light at the end of the tunnel... let's just hope that it's not a frieght-train at the end... whoa, that would suck. I wonder if dying is like that. You see a white light and you have to start walking towards it. And if it's been decided that you're going to 'heaven' then you exit the tunnel to a white place. And if you've been bad the white light is actually a moving fast moving train that 'kills' you again and sends you to hell. Or what if, instead of the Killer train that sends you to 'hell' it's a never ending walk to the light whereby you only get to the other side once you redeem yourself. *hmm* Now I'm worried that all of you guys (mostly ladies so I should rephrase that...) Now I'm worrie that you ladies will comment on this whole afterlife thing and not what's really on my mind [which is everything but this afterlife topic]. Maybe now that I wrote that you won't talk about the afterlife?? Huh, huh, I know you're getting my hints. Don't get me wrong, comment on the afterlife if you want, because I'm positively sure that you've got really good idears on this one - so do what you want. I turn the comment book over to you to comment as much as you want; surprise me. *Salutes* -Captain B. Working