Attention All Cargo... It's almost disconcerning how long it's been since I've written in this bloody journal. It's like, as soon as I hit the one hundred mark SMASH! It all came tumbling down. I even lot my abilit to properly format my thoughts in my had and type wile having music and a few conversations going on MSn. Where has all of the talent gone? What's even worse is the fact that I've had very little to write about because my life has been so straight forward that if it were any more linear I'd have to change my name to line segment or ray. I mean, not a hell of a lot has been going on other than the fact that the dynamics of most of my circles of friends are changing. Persons now have boyfriends and it's kind of a kick to the crotch when we get ditched for said boyfriend or when sides have to be taken due to brawls or issues that are going down. I suppose I'll just have to take my lumps in silence, I mean, I can't necessarily approve of all of thei choices, the most I can do is hope and pray that everything that I've taught them will lead them in the right direction. Good lord, all of a sudden I feel like a bloody father. But in a sense I suppose that's what I've been at times to some of these girls, the second father, the watchman... the person who covers their asses (not literally) to make sure they don't end up dead somewhere. In a sense, this is my first dosage of fatherhood of a teenage daughter. Or in my case, a friggen flock of them, most not knowing of the others. Still though, I look at what's going on, what they've got going and with some I whince. That's right, I, your captain is capable of whincing. Truth be known, for most of the whincing girls, I whince because at one time in my life they realy meant a lot to me. Some emotional connection, other's romantic affiliation... a select few had both and more. Maybe it's because with some I had higher hopes and for others still, even dreams. I guess in that sense I'm like the father who has to go through the torture of watching his little girl grow up and make so many blasted mistakes. It's just hard to stick to the sidelines, but I know that I've made plenty of boyfriends jealous, or uneasy, to say the least by my presence in the past. One of the risks of seeing your really close friends move on is the torture of having to change the entire friendship... just does't seem the same... might never be the same. But it was nice, last nightwas oh so nice. We went galavanting around town, me and one of my friends. Such a good girl, but sometimes I wonder if she realizes the isuations she gets herself into. I mean, I'm sure that deep down inside he's a good guy - I'm sure of it. But she's way too good to him and he doesn't even have a bloody clue, not a fricken clue. I feel awful when the only thing she wants she wants for their one year is the thing that he'll never get her... that is, unless she specifically tells him, and even then there's no guarantee because he's such a bafoon. Friggen owf. She puts up with so much and it's enough to put me in a mood to disppear to even talk about it. At any rate, last night her and I were just talking as I was driving her home... I spent like three hours with this girl, walking, talking, eating, driving- the usual. And she told me that I was a keeper. Unexpected was this. Wow, I feel like Master Yoda now. Now only if I was 2.5 feet tall and green. Maybe I could do those crazy flips and duels like in Attack Of The Clones. And speaking of Star Wars, it's coming out next spring eh, did you know that? Well it is. I'm going to see it just to finish off the series, but truthfully, I'm not extremely satisfied with how they turned out. I mean, granted they could have been worse, but it wasn't as ood as I was hoping they'd be... the chracters just seem too static and uninviting. At any rate, I'd better get back to the real entry and stop talking about Star Wars. I don't know - these girls make me mad sometimes. Take for instance this other one that I know. She's really a good person, complains a little, but I'd trust her with my life... though I'd never tell her. I mean, she's got a male friend and everything, but he's a deadbeat. Not as bad as the first chap, but ad enough to make me want to take him and ship him off. And I think I know what the problem is with all/ most of these fools: they just don't realize what they have. I mean, the firstguy treats her with little respect, and when he does it's out of fear of her exploding or doing somethingstupid to injure herself. The oher girl... well, her guy just acts really... nonsensical and she thinks it's cute- get's little giddy out of it. I don't know, maybe it's becuase I'm standing back and looking upon it for what it's worth for face value. Or maybe the problem is that when you're in a relationship, you're so blinded you can't see a damn thing. I'm sure that there are some of youout there that disagree with me whole heartedly, but realy it doesn't matter much. I mean, I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone, and anyone willing to deny that it doesn't happen has yet to either come into contactwith a good number of people, or has conveniently made some other conclusion to serve their own needs. You decide which one you are. Last night, somebody called my house looking for me They called at one oclock in the morning I've no idea who it was. My dad answered... He wasn't impressed. I don't care what he was or wasn't But I want to know who it was because it sounded urgent... You know, recently my folks have been getting displeasd with me because of the fact that I haven't been calling much when I go out and am going to be late. I think I ought to apolgize for not having a payphone in the car to call them whenever I"m going to be late. I think that with my mom worrying the way she is and bitching at my father when she gets into her menopausal moods that I'll probably get a cell before christmas. Which I'm liking... 'cause lord knows that even thougbn my car is reliable, things won't stay like that for long. Christmas... I've got a smaller llist this year on account of the fact that I've done some downsizing. Putting more people into Friends/Associates and less into Lady Friends. And of the LF's, a small percentage is actually getting a gift from me because only a small amount actually mean something to me. And tihs year I have more money, so what that translates into is better gifts... I think. Man, I've got so much buzzing around in my head that I want to throw down or toss out, but I really don't have enough time/room. But Christmas has been up there on my things to think about. Well, at least thinking about what to get whom. I think that I'll start the shopping mid-October for the things that are always around and more abundant when it's not the season. that pus I can manage the mnetary influxes with a higher degree of steadfastness. *ponders* Feeling somewhat guilty about an impending betrayal, but for the most part, I'm thinking that it won't be of consequence, or at least I hope it won't be. Birthday party coming up soon as well - I've got to get that in order... so perhaps before I start thinking about Christmas I ough to clear this off of my plate. Outstanding debts to collect- not as if you needed to know that either. It's not always easy beng the Businessman and the Loanshark, but at least this way I have some liquid moving through my pockets while I've got money tied up in my debtors. Might use that money to buy the gift actually. Truth be known, I'm still worried about those friends I mentioned earlier; the ones with the deadbeat boyfriends... but I guess that's just my protective side acting up again. I ought to make an appointment with my friend Jonnie Walker this Thanksgiving weekend to calm that side of me down. Can't do that though; straight edge, eh. God, I hope that that somebody is alright. For school eded on Frday I told one of my friends that I had a hunch that sometihng would go wrong this wekend with somebody we know. It was a bad feeling I got as soon as the bell wrong... a hunch, a gut feeling that somethng bad would happen and now that I've got that in my mind, I'm slightly concerned about this phone call.*shakes head* I got some things to take care of, I'll catch you guys on the flip side of things. Sincerely, -Captain B. Hunched