Comrade reader, You know, I've got a lot on my mind, everything ranging from Prom to Death, from Nostalgia to Depression to Anxiety. There's so uch that I'm not even too sue what to write about... where to begin. The real problem is either that I'll try to talk about it all and then cut myself short due to the length problem, or I'll specifically discuss one in medicore detail and skip out on the rest. Well, I guess such is the way with life. But isn't that what having this is all about? Isn't a diary really a place where you can vent, let it out and, perhaps most importantly, express how you'd like things to be; dispite the fact that you know, deep down inside, that things may never be that good... that perfect. See, 'cause here, things don't have to effect you if you don't want to. You can be whoever you want, say whatever and never have to live up to anyone's expectations you don't want to whereas out there... well, out there you're faced with things you don't necessarily want to be. Rest assured that if it's out there and you're going through it, it's for a reason. Maybe not a reason you can comprehend right now, but you'll see soon enough. The only problem is that sometimes we mis-interpt things and over simplify reality for various reasons... mostly to serve ourselves and sometimes for other. But is it right? I refuse to write an essay on the value of the effects of lying for the greater good, however I will ocassionally allude to this problem if the mood should take me - all in an effort to make you think within the process of thinking of various areas. You may be asking yourself if I'm actually writing this entry for that purpose, and some may be asking if I started writing this with that intent. I'd be lying if I said I was or did , but I figutre "while in Rome..." and why the bloody hell not? Why not try to make this interact; even if I am kinda lacking in certain skills. As my Great Uncle Bill always used to say (god rest his soul) "the only way to get better is to practice... even if you have less than basic skills and you're made fun of, persevere." What a good guy he was. The only problem is that I did not have a great uncle bill that I'm aware of, nor would he have said that if he did exist. I do however have an uncle bill; but rest assured he is far from great. A good guy? In some regards, but not great. What purpose did that just serve? Well, simple my dear, I was still illustrating that I can be whatever I want and that at any moment I can take this whereever I'd like. Just when you thought maybe it was over, it returns and then gets tossed out the bloody window faster than a hot potato. So be weary for just as quickly as I can shoot out a lie and roll with it, the truth given to the wrong person at a less than convenient time has the ability to change lives forever. Sleep well knowing that I've yet to lie to you awe-some people in my years of writing, so I shant start now... unless that was a lie too... but what if we could just trust me. "Trust, what a quaint idea..." Somthing built over time but demolished in a moment: that's just the way we are. Give me a reason to trust you hun, and than maybe - maybe if I won't let my past dictate my future, maybe if I'm feeling in the mood, maybe if I think you'll put out - I'll trust you. What the hell is that? I'll tell you what it is, it's us, convincing ourselves that we're working in our best intrests. And we probably are, but ever wonder what could have been with the person you never gave a chance to? The person you never allowed to get close to you for a stupid reason? You probably have... that is, if you have one of those people in your life. If not, well, if not, hang around life a bit longer and you'll understand. Naturally, don't berate yourself too much either. It's always a fine line with you people... err, with people. Got to be careful not to write too left or else you'll end up with people being so hard on themselves because it ruins the world, yet at the same time if you write too right, you'll find people turning into pseudo-venture capitalists by being too loose - by being too risky. A little disgusting that that's the way I am and that I'm not actually acting this part out. But what's even worse is that up here, Liberal is just another word for socialism. Only problem is that by being this type of socialist, you jepordize the entire society. Sure, criminals have rights, but when you give them more rights than anyone else, only to be released back into society without being "treated," as you call it you run the risk of a high degree of reoffenders. And to think, we've come this far only to let the criminals, who would have two centuries earlier been killed, run rampent with our children. Or here's an even better one. We put them in the jails with other criminals to do some "hard time" when the only thing they're really learning is how to be a hardcore criminal. Utilitarianism had such appeal, but with the development of business and the free market economy, Governments like Switzerland's are looking more and more appealing everyday. Except for the getting rich of off priceless art acquisitions courtesy Hitler. I guess this answers the age old question of, "Are there truly any winners in a fight?" "Yes, the neutral party who offers to hold the wallets of both sides is the only true winner." But it really doesn't matter much what I say, 'cause at the end of the day I've got to look out for number one... well, myself and my family to be *knocks on wood.* Because it's me versus the man and in the end, myself, much like the rest of you, won't have the luxury to truly change anything. the ole days of change and revolution are over. They've liberated us from ignorace, but oppressed our real power to do anything. Our eyes are so filled by this and that, that we really can't stop for a moment to look around and say "What's really wrong here?" And it's when we've been stripped; when we've allowed ourselves to be stripped of this innate right, that society regresses. Nothing's new anymore. Hell, we've got Duran-Duran, The Commodores, Weezer, Green Day. Motley Crue and even The Stones making a comeback. What, a couple decades later and we need to revisit these old ideas? It's when we've got to look to the past to obtain a sense of moving forward that we're in real trouble. And than, all we've got to wait for McCartney (who isn't the real Paul McCartney) to resurrect the other three and then we know that we're offically toast. But here's what I don't get, why are the 60's, the 70's, the 80's and the 90's making a comeback? Clearly because there's a demand; thanks Tips. But why is there a demand? I kinda fibbed when I said I didn't know. I believe I think I know, and thus I know to a certain extent. They're making a comeback because it was the times of new drugs, good sex, real love, some morals & standards. In a nutshell, it was a time of freedom. Not destructive freedom like what Iraq is about to get, I mean the other kind of freedom; the liberation of the spirit. And no matter how much money you throw at this problem, it'll never go away because money can't buy you happiness and money can't satisfy that interal drive and desire for more. Think of it as a Social Mid-life crisis. I've talked about it before but it's true. Eastern society was forced to adapt and change to keep pace with and meet the standards of the seemingly advanced Western and as a result, the Western nations were forced to become not just advanced, but advancing nations. And so how unlikely is it that an entires society's necessity to survive as number one was directly reflected through it's inhabitants? You ask me, pretty high. It's always the way it is. First the trend is observed through the people and than the greatersociety picks it up. Remember my friend, an epidemic must first diagnosed in one person.And so because we've been unable to, this whole tme to see the catastrophe which awaited us at the end of the tunnel, we find ourselves slowly regressing back to a time of familiarity, a time when things were so much simpler, a time when jade green actually matched royal blue. And what do we get from this, other than a horrible sense of fashion? A new history. Not only do we crave the feelings of old, some of us want a second go at it. And why not be allowed to do thing you never were able to? I mean, we know the worse it can end up; WW3 and WW4 couldn't be that bad eh? Pfft. I'll believe it when I see the aftermath. I'm telling ya, ever since Grunge faded away (sorry Cobain) and his style was broken into various pieces, we've been going backwards and it's been evident in our music. It's not about really kicking ass and living it up, it's about finding someone to relate to, and crying becase the world's always got you down. Emo's great, but when it starts to encompass main-stream punk, pop, ska plus half of alternative and metal, there's a problem. Seems like those are the only two genres that can stay mainstream and somewhat true to it's own form... well, something like that anyway. I should probably write more, but between the work that I have due tomorrow, and the fact that I haven't posted in quite a whlie... well, I guess we'll just have to settle for it and run with the ball as far as we can and simply hope that it doesn't drop somewhere along the way. Wouldn't that be fun to watch? Respectfully, -Captain B. Chai Tea