God, i miss him. I miss the fact that a dead silence was never uncomfortable...I was never searching for things to say. But then I think about what he put me through...but all the good memories surround those that were bad. I guess he came online when I was gone w/ Taylor. I accidently left the computer on. He said "hey, what's up."I'm sorry i missed you, you're probaly gone. I'm in Montana, I'll write you a letter." Then signed off. Im really disapointed I didn't get to talk to him. I wanna see what he's up to, whats going on in his head. I think the reason I'm like this right now is because today would have been 4 months if we were still together. 4 months. Thats seriously a long time if you think about it. But it never happened. I don't even know why we broke up. People ask me, and all I have to say is "we got in fights all the time." I don't even remember what they were about. I knew it was just us being stupid. But seriously, I realized that I really wasn;t that great of a girlfriend. I'd change so much of what I did. I just wish I could turn back time just for one minute...just so I could actually let those good moments sink in. All I want to do right now is give him the biggest hug, and tell him that I've tryed with other guys, but somehow he was always there in my head. I miss the way he dressed. I love the way he dressed. I miss the "banana shirt"...I miss singing Jack Johnson in his car...I miss those nights when he used to take me home...and I didn't want to leave...all I wanted was to be with him. I miss "watching movies"...I miss him. I miss his almond-shaped eyes. So innocent. I miss the endless phone calls going till 12 o clock on school nights...even tho we had to wake up early. I miss the chicken in his car. God, I miss his car. I miss walking to it at break...I miss him pointing at his binder to a picture of us taken at some party and laughing because for some reason, he loved the picture. I personally hate it, probally the worst picture taken of me...but he always had his ways of making me feel better about myself. I miss him coming to my door to pick me up...its been weird having different guys coming in...just the way Colin did. I'm sad hes gone. I'm sad that the one trace of his voice I had left of him was on my voicemail...got deleted because you can only keep a message for a certain amount of time. I've actually called his line quite a few times just to hear his voice on his answering machine. He made a new recording ever since we broke up...he sounds like a stranger now. I hate that. I just want things to be back to normal. I just want him to expreiment with other girls for him to know, like i do now, that its not the same. The kisses aren't the same...and you actually have to worry about awkward silcences. My best friend is gone. He was my best friend. But hes gone. I'm sorry I'm blabbing on about this. I need to stop before I freak myself out. Peace ~A Beans