i really should be doing some of my summer reading right now for honors english....BUT I DONT WANT TO. whatev. Ill read more when I finish writing. I just decided that when I get out of my debt...yes...debt...haha i owe people money...I am going out and gonna buy the new Ataris cd. I saw them at warped tour, and they were good...but ive also seen them here in Ventura. I like their new stuff. Plus I'm sick of downloading music and I wanna support the band. "I never will forget those nights I wonder if it was a dream Remember how you made me crazy? Remember how I made you scream Now I don't understand what happened to our love But babe, I'm gonna get you back I'm gonna show you what I'm made of I can see you- Your brown skin shinin' in the sun I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone I can tell you my love for you will still be strong After the boys of summer have gone Out on the road today, I saw a BLACK FLAG sticker on a Cadillac A little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back." I thought I knew what love was What did I know? Those days are gone forever I should just let them go but- I can see you- Your brown skin shinin' in the sun You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong After the boys of summer have gone" -The Ataris "Boys of Summer" yea. I realized that I'm not being honest with myself. I've been telling myself things so I would make myself beleive them...but deep down inside I know where the truth lies. I dont really have feeling for guy #1...and I dont know what to do about that. All I want right now is just peace of mind. I think I'm just gonna tell him I'm not ready for any type of relationship now. Maybe someday, just not now. Whoa is someday one or two words? who knows and I really dont care. Anyway. Its so wrong. I just think about Colin alll the time when I with him. Even thought these two guys are completly different..I just see some similarities and it creeps me out. I'm just not ready right now. There is too much baggage left right now. Also another reason I'm like this is because I havn't talked to him for like a month. He's gone. I better get a letter soon. I wanna see what he has to say. But i know how guys are. He's probally just gonna keep his cool and tell me what hes gonn abe up to. Or Colin would tell me whats he has been thinking about...and all the stuff I WANNA know. I want to freaking know if he misses me. After all this time, maybe he does. Hes either going crazy right now, or totally over it. I hate how I don't know anything. AND IM THE FREAKING VULNERABLE ONE. oh well. Ive just been rambling. No structure whatsoever to my writting. But who cares. Im not writing a freaking essay. :) Summer is tight tho. Im gettin a tan...but dude I wanna be black. haha. Like my dad. Cuz my dad is black. not really but yea. Oh well, Im workin on it ;). I gotta love Monique. Im sooo glad shes gonna be at VHS next year. High school is gonna rock with her. At least the remainder of it. okay im done. i really need to stop blabbing. x0x0 Amanda