It's funny to think about how much my life has changed since I last wrote in here. My life is so different, yet so the same. I'm still the little girl who has her walls up. I guess I've finally been through enough to keep them up. I'm so jaded. I'm twenty years old and I'm as bitter and as cynical as a eighty year old man. People don't know that I hurt. I'm a happy girl, don't get me wrong, but for the last year and a half I've been on my own. Part of me tells myself that I'll only be able to have this much fun and make out with whoever I want once in my life. It sounds cheesy and degrading, but this is true. However another part of me just wants to be held and cared for. I want to be called beautiful instead of hot. I guess I just want the security that comes with having a boyfriend. I'm a relationship kind of girl. I feel like for the past year and a half I've sort of lost myself. I still know me, but it seems like for all this time I've just been blocking my true thoughts and feelings because I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to need anyone else. I'm so sick of fraternity guys. Ya, they are fun to hang out with and hook up with and get drunk with...but that's it. I sound so shallow. I really should write in here more often. I never talk about my feelings, and I think this is a good way to get them out.