okay. ya. i've written about 5 entries today but i dont really care. im the most confused person right now. confused confused. people are telling me different things. i just want whats best shelby is telling me to be strong...dont let him win...move on etc. marisa told me that its his last year and he wants to be with the boys. im here. hes there. what the hell. i dont even know what the fuck i'm writing. im so confused and im in the weirdest bitter mood ever right now. i just need to talk to someone that will tell me what i want to hear.i hear what my heart is telling me...its louder than any of the other voices i hear..and i dont know what to do about it. im so lost. confused. i cant take this. it's not right for me to be like this. should i hold back the tears or let them fall? mike told me that i have complete control of the situation. and that i can do whatever...some of u may fully not understand what im saying...but whatever. i dont know. i feel helpless. everyone thats trying to help doesnt. i can only help myself. but theres nothing to help me with. eh tommorow ill probaly delete this entry and be like what the hell was ithinking etc...but whatever. im bipolar or something...